Happy Relationships - Happier at Home

In Gretchin Rubin’s book, Happier at Home, she explains that people who are happy make easier spouses and better dates.  She encourages us to find our happiness not only for ourselves but for our relationships.  She further goes on to explain that happier people usually get married and stay married more easily than unhappy people; support and companionship are important elements to a happy life. Her whole book gives examples of how to be happier every day. 

In order to create happiness in your relationships look at what you desire from your partner.  If you would like more romance, then be more romantic yourself.  Instead of waiting for your partner to fulfill your desires, start fulfilling them yourself.  I love kissing, Nate (my fiancé) so instead of waiting for him to kiss me (which he does, but of course I want more J) I kiss him.  Gretchin recommends a kiss in the morning and a kiss at night.  I’ve been practicing this and am feeling much happier in my life.  It’s a great way to start the day and end it.  It may seem unromantic to schedule these kisses but if it adds happiness to your life, then why not?

Another tip is to give gold stars.  How many of us show our appreciation to our loved one?  When he tackles a project, thank him.  Praise him in front of others.  Say “I love you!” more often.  Be helpful even when not asked.  Speak only good thing even when he is not around.  No more complaining or criticizing.  It can be easy to complain if Nate has been distant by being preoccupied with his work but it only makes me feel icky.  I’d rather speak only good things and focus on these great parts that I love so much about him.  Nate has many good qualities to focus on such as his intelligence, conversational skills, ability to have fun, good friendships, and he’s a very clean guy.  Yes, I like focusing on the positive.  You?

Possessions and their meaning - Happier at Home chapter 1

Possessions have value only by the meaning you place on them.  What possessions do you own that you value more than anything and would be unwilling to let go?  In Gretchin Rubin’s, Happier At Home, she explores this thought of having possessions and the meanings we give to them.  She looks at both sides of the spectrum from not having any possessions and living a “simple life” to having many things.  She likes the idea of a “simple life” but she also knows that her possessions bring her pleasure and sides on the idea of having possessions that have meaning and bring happiness into your life.  She says, “Because I had stuff I didn’t want or need, it felt like I’d be happier with less, but it wasn’t the amount of stuff, it was the engagement with that stuff.”  The goal she made was to remove the things that didn’t matter and make room for more of the things that did.  Her advice is to go shelf-by-shelf to increase your feelings of engagement with the possessions that have meaning and therefore, bring more happiness.

I decided to take this advice and focused on my closet.  At first glance I couldn’t find anything that didn’t have some meaning to me, photo albums, books, clothes, etc.  Then, I saw a pile of bins with makeup that I’ve collected over the years but haven’t used in years.  I threw the old makeup and skin cleaners away.  I was saving them for “just in case” I will use them “someday,” however I knew that “someday” wasn’t going to happen.  It felt good to remove these pieces from my closet.  They had no meaning to me except that I spent money on them and I “should” use them.  The only problem with that thinking is that I was holding onto stuff that didn’t have a valuable meaning.  Basically they were making me feel guilty for buying them and not using them.  What possessions do you have that you are willing to let go of because they lack meaning in your life?

Homesick - Happier At Home

Homesick…How is this possible when you are sitting in your own living room?  Rubin, in Happier At Home, gets hit by an overwhelming feeling of homesickness while she is doing the dishes but why, she was at home after all.  The more she explores her feelings, she realizes that home is the center of her life and it is directly related to her happiness.  Further, she began to question, “What did I want from my home?”  Realizing that being home brings pleasure and ultimately happiness.  This is where Rubin’s journey begins with happiness at home; in her everyday life.

Before beginning the Happier At Home project, ask yourself, “How happy are you right now?”  There are many ways to increase happiness by focusing on the things that you like.  Knowing how happy you are will give you a gauge of your current state.  Personally, I feel content with work and ecstatic about my engagement.  I have a close relationship with my family and I have great friends.  Plus, I eat mainly healthy food and exercise on a regular basis.  Overall, I feel about a 7 on a scale of 1-10.  How can I increase my happiness?  What can you do to increase yours?

Charissa

Happier at Home by Gretchin Rubin

It's been over a year and a half since I have written in my blog.  And it feels like something that should be picked up again.  Many things have happened in this time including purchasing a new home and my engagement to my handsome, hardworking fiance.  Also, I have started a masters program and changed positions at my job.  All of these things have been great and I would like to see how I can be even happier...at home.  After all, the home is the foundation of peace and comfort inside and in the external world.  My next book will be Happier at Home by Gretchin Rubin.  Her mission, as it is explained online at www.happiness-project.com is, "...to concentrate on the factors that matter for home, such as possessions, marriage, time, parenthood, body, neighborhood."  What helpful tips will we learn? 

I hope you will join me on this reading journey.

Charissa

Feel Good, Right Now

   Can you, right now, feel good without the use of drugs, alcohol, or food?  These are the common sources to change our state temporarily, however, there are other more positive ways to do this.  Tony Robbins, in Awaken the Giant Within, suggests to write down a list, here's mine:

Read
Zumba
Listen to upbeat music
Talk to a friend
Take a bike ride
Browse the internet
Research next travel destination

     I'm guilty of eating when I'm bored or nervous.  I am learning that there are other ways to fulfill myself besides self-sabotaging myself.   I notice when I am browsing the internet, planning an event or future trip, or focused on work, food doesn't enter my thoughts.  Interesting.  Plus, it's way more fun and fulfilling to do these activities than to overeat.  What things do you enjoy doing?  What can you do right now to fulfill your inner cravings?

Fake it! The Power of Movement

    Have you ever noticed how you hold yourself when you are tired?  Usually, shoulders are shrugged and posture is poor.  Our movement and body posture plays an important role in how we feel.  Anthony Robbins says in Awaken The Giant Within, that "Emotion is created by motion.  Everything that we feel is the result of how we use our bodies."  In other words, you can fake it till you make it just by moving your body.
     The power to change your mood or emotions is in your hands.  I play on a weekly kickball league.  Last week I did not feel like playing.  I was stressed from work and my body felt sluggish.  It dawned on me that it's up to me to have fun or not.  I began jumping up and down, warming my body up.  Before I knew it, I was cheering my teammates on and having a great time.  I changed my body movement to how I usually move when I am having fun and I ended up having fun.  It was that easy.
    
What body movements can you do to change your mood for the better?
1.  Erect posture - Feel confidence, strength, and health
2.  Smile - Feel joy
3.  Breathe deep - Feel peace
4.  Physically skip - Feel fun
5.  Laugh - Feel good, positive outlook

Positive Reinforcement

    My boyfriend is notorious for not texting or calling back very quickly.  Family members, friends, and myself have all picked on him for this.  We just want a text or phone call back, however, this doesn't happen very often.  I've nagged him about this many times.  With enough nagging he does eventually text or call back for a few weeks, then he drops back into the old pattern.  Anthony Robbins, in Awaken The Giant Within, states that positive reinforcement is critical if we want a new pattern to stick.
     First of all, I am not giving my boyfriend positive reinforcement.  No wonder it never sticks, there is no reward in me nagging him.  Secondly, I give negative reinforcement by being upset with him for not getting back to me.  Lastly, in order to turn this around, I need to give positive reinforcement right away.  (This may sound like training a puppy but it sort of is, but it works, so why not!?!)  Anthony Robbins says, "Timing is absolutely critical to effective conditioning."  So, give positive comments or a reward as soon as something you like happens.  This way pleasure will be associated with the act and the person will be more likely to repeat the behavior.  As Robbins points out numerous times in his book, we are constantly looking for pleasure and trying to avoid pain.
     What positive reinforcement can you give to yourself or others that would help patterns you desire to repeat?  If you workout, reward yourself with a compliment or a pat on the back.  If you resist a cookie, again, pat yourself on the back.  Give positive reinforcement to every aspect of your life that you want to develop into a pattern.  The goal is to have a more joyful and expansive life.  We have the power to condition ourselves to the fulfilling life we desire.  Give yourself a hug, a compliment, or tell yourself you love you.