When I first saw this resolution I thought, yes I can do that. I'm ambitious and a hard worker no problem! Now, looking at it I realize this may be tougher than I thought. I work hard but I don't push myself as hard as I could. I stay within my comfortable boundaries at work. Doing what I do best. In order to follow through with this resolution for the rest of the month I will dive into the things I usually don't dabble in. This includes understanding issues more and new features better (in respect to the hard drive, the company that I work for). Usually I shy away from fully understanding what is going on because it gets so busy doing everything else, so it becomes easier to just get by. Don't get me wrong I'm still working really hard (sure, you're thinking), but I could take more time to ask the questions to help me understand some of the new features we implement into our hard drive. Of course this isn't completely necessary since I'm not a developer but I bet it will stretch my own capability within the company and I can be a better contributor.
It's funny because usually when I think about my job I think, boring. But, when I'm doing my job it's fun, stressful and fast paced. It's weird because some days I love my job and some days I don't. I enjoy the busy days and I enjoy the slow days but I think I have more fun on the busy days. Even though I am always hoping for a slow day. Does anyone else understand what I'm trying to say?
Okay, so I will ask more questions to understand more and push myself at work starting Monday and for the rest of the The Happiness Project month.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Day 12: Career, Follow my Curiosities
Being happy at work is so important. It's hard not to emphasize this enough because you are at work for the most part of the day. I work for a hard drive company as a Product Firmware Manager. I'm not actually managing people but I am managing firmware for one of our products. I go to meetings daily, take requests and give requests. I call myself a high-paid gossiper. This is because I find out the latest scoop and then I pass it along to whoever wants to hear it. It's fun and the days are fast. I used to do failure analysis and I did not like it. After putting in two years I told my manager. It was a miracle because they switched me to my new position within a month. I learned to speak my truth because if others don't know what you want then they can't help you.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Day 11: Fight Right, no snapping
One of the very important points Gretchen makes in her book, The Happiness Project, is to fight right. How many times have you been so furious with your spouse that you begin to bring up past issues, blames, and hurts? At what point do you get so angry that you begin to use the words, "never" and "always" during a fight? Trust me, I have done this plenty. I smile as I say this because I am G-U-I-L-T-Y. For example, trying to figure out where to go for dinner because we both "don't care." The conversation usually goes something like this:
Charissa: Where do you want to go for dinner?
Nate: I don't care, where do you want to go for dinner?
Charissa: I don't care, how about Rio, TGIF's or Maggiano's?
Nate: Nah
Charissa: OK, so where do you want to go for dinner?
Nate: I don't care, you choose.
Charissa: I just did choose!
Nate: I don't feel like any of those places.
Charissa: Then, you choose!
And so the cycle continues until I happen to name a restaurant that he agrees on. I get so frustrated though which can of course turn into a wonderful, "You never pick the restaurant!" (Even though he occasionally does.) And, "You never make any decisions for us, the burden always lays on me!" Of course these statements aren't true as he does make decisions and he does contribute in other areas. As you can see, though, the general disastrous direction this discussion is heading, down the slippery slope of not fighting right. (Plus, we are both hungry which doesn't help our attitudes.)
There are many ways this could have been handled better and one way is to "fight right, no snapping." Instead of going into our relationship history to blame and disprove Nate of past issues and hurts I will stay in the topic of the moment, where to go for dinner. Do I see one less fight in our future?
Last night I had to bite my tongue in order to fight right. Nate and I were watching t.v. in bed, laying one foot away from each other. I began to get upset that he used to be more romantic "back in the day." Of course some things have waned after a year long relationship but he is still very romantic. Anyway, I was going to say, "Remember when you used to cuddle me, back in the day?" I stopped myself. This is not fighting right. Bringing up old behaviors is not fair. There are different circumstances at play such as seeing each other every day now or having a rough day at work. I stopped myself from saying it and 2 minutes later he asked, "Why aren't you cuddling with me?" Enough said.
Charissa: Where do you want to go for dinner?
Nate: I don't care, where do you want to go for dinner?
Charissa: I don't care, how about Rio, TGIF's or Maggiano's?
Nate: Nah
Charissa: OK, so where do you want to go for dinner?
Nate: I don't care, you choose.
Charissa: I just did choose!
Nate: I don't feel like any of those places.
Charissa: Then, you choose!
And so the cycle continues until I happen to name a restaurant that he agrees on. I get so frustrated though which can of course turn into a wonderful, "You never pick the restaurant!" (Even though he occasionally does.) And, "You never make any decisions for us, the burden always lays on me!" Of course these statements aren't true as he does make decisions and he does contribute in other areas. As you can see, though, the general disastrous direction this discussion is heading, down the slippery slope of not fighting right. (Plus, we are both hungry which doesn't help our attitudes.)
There are many ways this could have been handled better and one way is to "fight right, no snapping." Instead of going into our relationship history to blame and disprove Nate of past issues and hurts I will stay in the topic of the moment, where to go for dinner. Do I see one less fight in our future?
Last night I had to bite my tongue in order to fight right. Nate and I were watching t.v. in bed, laying one foot away from each other. I began to get upset that he used to be more romantic "back in the day." Of course some things have waned after a year long relationship but he is still very romantic. Anyway, I was going to say, "Remember when you used to cuddle me, back in the day?" I stopped myself. This is not fighting right. Bringing up old behaviors is not fair. There are different circumstances at play such as seeing each other every day now or having a rough day at work. I stopped myself from saying it and 2 minutes later he asked, "Why aren't you cuddling with me?" Enough said.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Day 10: Stop Nagging!
Stop Nagging!
This is the perfect day to begin this resolution. Apparently, I was a nag today, as mentioned by my boyfriend, Nate. There is this relationship workshop that I thought would be a great benefit to our relationship. Well, of course, being a female (not to stereotype) we usually think things like this would be fun and beneficial. I sort of forgot that for men it usually doesn’t. Needless to say when I signed us up for the workshop and then told him about it he wasn’t completely thrilled. I persisted on telling him why it would be good for us; that my intentions were good for the sake of the relationship. I was nagging. And he said I was nagging him to do something he does not want to do and that it does not sound like fun. Oops! I forgot to consider his perspective. This would be a good example of my nagging.
I don’t like to think of myself as a nag but if I think really hard I’m sure I can come up with some examples of being one other than this one. I will be on the look out for when I am.
An example of me not nagging: We are going on a cruise in 3 weeks and we need to book transportation to/from the airport to/from the port. We are both busy with our jobs but one of us has to do it. I asked him if he had time (seemed like a reasonable question to me) and he said he didn’t. I felt that I didn’t have time either but would make the time somehow to get it done. I didn’t nag him about it but I do feel upset that he didn’t offer. After all, I have spent time on booking a hotel for our early arrival and did the research for the cruise. Anyway, I’m hoping that by not nagging, more happiness will surface. I don’t think that I need to nag too much with Nate because he will usually do what I ask as long as it’s within reason.
I’ll admit I will be accommodating as much as possible but if someone is not willing to accommodate even a little I tend to get really upset. My belief is that if I’m compromising then they should to. This has probably been a major cause in my arguments with Nate. It’s really hard to hold my tongue when he doesn’t budge at all. The bad news is that nothing good comes out of speaking my mind…ever. Hopefully, not saying anything at all will help. Any advice?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Day 9: The Evening Tidy Up
An evening tidy-up should only take about 10 minutes every night before bed time. The claim is that it will relax you before bed time and it's easier to do a little every night. When I got home last night I was prepared to "tidy-up" before bed time. I did a quick survey and realized my sweet boyfriend vacuumed and cleaned the counters in the bathroom. I thought, "Oh no what am I going to tidy-up?" Needless to say I didn't tidy anything up. I got a night off I suppose. I still followed the "one-minute rule" and will tidy-up tonight (I will have to figure out what though). Can you imagine I actually want to tidy-up but was faced with such a road block (sarcasm) Sheesh!
I have added Peter Walsh's, It's All Too Much to my reading. His book dives into how to clean up clutter in the home. Emotional attachment to things once given them and are keepsakes (yet they are collecting dust in the basement). Other things like an old rusty bike in the garage that was used as a young child to hold onto those memories of the past. Peter explains that this clutter is only taking up room. If it's not being used there is no need for it. Once you are able to detach then you will be happier because you will have more room for new possibilities in your life. Thanks Peter!
I have added Peter Walsh's, It's All Too Much to my reading. His book dives into how to clean up clutter in the home. Emotional attachment to things once given them and are keepsakes (yet they are collecting dust in the basement). Other things like an old rusty bike in the garage that was used as a young child to hold onto those memories of the past. Peter explains that this clutter is only taking up room. If it's not being used there is no need for it. Once you are able to detach then you will be happier because you will have more room for new possibilities in your life. Thanks Peter!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Day 8: The "one-minute rule"
In order to increase energy, Gretchen, from The Happiness Project book, has a few ideas. She mentions exercise and eating right. She also emphasis the importance of cleaning up clutter around the house. This should energize you because once the clutter is cleaned up then it isn't nagging at you to clean it up. Plus, instead of taking several hours every Sunday to clean up, a few short minutes a day of clean up and Sunday's are all yours. I'm willing to give it a try!
First I cleaned out my closet. I just donated two big bag fulls of clothes I don't wear anymore. What a relief! I am not haunted by the $70 Bandolino shoes I only wore twice and the jeans that are too tight. Next, I've been following the "one-minute rule." My boyfriend, Nate, is going to love this one. I usually leave my plate from breakfast in the sink instead of in the dishwasher, I don't hang up my coat in the coat closet when I come home (my bed seems like the perfect place for it), my opened and unopened mail is left on the kitchen table (the recycle bin is only 4 feet away), there is old food in the fridge that just needs to be dumped...but who has time when I've got to meet my carpooling buddy at 7:15am and I must say hi to Nate when I first walk in the door and then eat etc. I am hesitant about this rule because will the one minute for my coat, my dishes, my mail and on and on add up to my whole night?!? Will this make me happier? At least Nate will be happier and therefore make me happier, right?
I realized that most easy and mindless actions fall under the "one-minute rule." Instead of cleaning up after I cooked dinner I put the dirty knife I used to cut up the peppers in the dishwasher right away. Instead of leaving the packaging from the new socks I bought on the kitchen table I threw it away in the trash. Instead of putting my jeans I wore from the day on the floor I placed them in the hamper. I even utilized Nate to help me throw away a piece of trash to help me keep up with my one-minute rule while I did something else to keep up with my one-minute rule. (What are boyfriends for?) During the process I thought is my whole night going to consist of cleaning up after myself? It turns out I actually saved time and stress! By the time 9 pm rolled around everything was already tidied up, I watched an hour of tv, played wii and cooked dinner, I was done for the evening. Nothing more to do except relax in bed and read (my favorite thing to do). I am looking forward to keeping up with the "one-minute rule."
First I cleaned out my closet. I just donated two big bag fulls of clothes I don't wear anymore. What a relief! I am not haunted by the $70 Bandolino shoes I only wore twice and the jeans that are too tight. Next, I've been following the "one-minute rule." My boyfriend, Nate, is going to love this one. I usually leave my plate from breakfast in the sink instead of in the dishwasher, I don't hang up my coat in the coat closet when I come home (my bed seems like the perfect place for it), my opened and unopened mail is left on the kitchen table (the recycle bin is only 4 feet away), there is old food in the fridge that just needs to be dumped...but who has time when I've got to meet my carpooling buddy at 7:15am and I must say hi to Nate when I first walk in the door and then eat etc. I am hesitant about this rule because will the one minute for my coat, my dishes, my mail and on and on add up to my whole night?!? Will this make me happier? At least Nate will be happier and therefore make me happier, right?
I realized that most easy and mindless actions fall under the "one-minute rule." Instead of cleaning up after I cooked dinner I put the dirty knife I used to cut up the peppers in the dishwasher right away. Instead of leaving the packaging from the new socks I bought on the kitchen table I threw it away in the trash. Instead of putting my jeans I wore from the day on the floor I placed them in the hamper. I even utilized Nate to help me throw away a piece of trash to help me keep up with my one-minute rule while I did something else to keep up with my one-minute rule. (What are boyfriends for?) During the process I thought is my whole night going to consist of cleaning up after myself? It turns out I actually saved time and stress! By the time 9 pm rolled around everything was already tidied up, I watched an hour of tv, played wii and cooked dinner, I was done for the evening. Nothing more to do except relax in bed and read (my favorite thing to do). I am looking forward to keeping up with the "one-minute rule."
Monday, February 22, 2010
Day 7: My Resolutions Chart
Going into this year long project of seeking personal happiness, happier relationships, and inner peace I needed to evaluate my own definition of happiness. We all have different perspectives and ideas about what makes us happy. Here is my list of what I think is happiness:
First, of course, is not being unhappy! Feeling good about whatever I'm doing, being less judgmental and more open to other perspectives and choices, having more tolerance, smiling, laughing, fun, positive thoughts, the glass half-full and the brighter side of any situation first.
Happiness is hard to put into a definition. Gretchen points out in the intro to her book what Louis Armstrong said about happiness, "If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know." Same for happiness, "If you have to ask what happiness is, you'll never know." I think happiness is different but the same for everyone. It's the same feeling but different things make us happy. We all know when we are happy. Even though different things make each of us happy I am looking forward to discovering what does make me happy and working on it to achieve more happiness. I'm curious to know what makes you happy.
First, of course, is not being unhappy! Feeling good about whatever I'm doing, being less judgmental and more open to other perspectives and choices, having more tolerance, smiling, laughing, fun, positive thoughts, the glass half-full and the brighter side of any situation first.
Happiness is hard to put into a definition. Gretchen points out in the intro to her book what Louis Armstrong said about happiness, "If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know." Same for happiness, "If you have to ask what happiness is, you'll never know." I think happiness is different but the same for everyone. It's the same feeling but different things make us happy. We all know when we are happy. Even though different things make each of us happy I am looking forward to discovering what does make me happy and working on it to achieve more happiness. I'm curious to know what makes you happy.
This is my hypothesis: The Happiness Project will bring insight and tools to discover what makes me happy with the ultimate goal of bringing more happiness into my life.
I will follow Gretchen's Resolutions Chart but in only 21 days instead of a whole year. Here is my Resolution's Chart:
I will follow Gretchen's Resolutions Chart but in only 21 days instead of a whole year. Here is my Resolution's Chart:
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Day 7: The Happiness Project
Chapter 11: Keep a contented heart, Attitude
Do you think it's easier to complain than to laugh or easier to yell than to joke around? Studies show that it takes more energy to be uplifting and positive than to be negative and in a lower energy state. That makes sense to me. In engineering school I learned that electrons want to be in their lowest energy state because they are "lazy." I very much enjoy being happy than sad that doesn't mean it doesn't take work. I'm usually in a good mood and try to be uplifting to others and it does take energy to remind myself of the positive side of things and to think of how to keep an experience positive and fun. It does take work and it's worth it.
Laugh out loud. It can boost immunity and lower blood pressure. Plus, it's a source of social bonding. Personally, I'm going to check out a book of jokes. There are professional joke writers so why not utilize their funniness? Laughing out loud is more than just laughter but it's also the ability to give up pride and defensiveness because in order to laugh one needs to be lighthearted about themselves.
Use good manners. This could be in many different ways such as being more agreeable, awareness of other people's needs (a seat on the bus or holding a door open for someone), actively listening to others and trying not to be a know it all, just to name a few things.
Give positive reviews. It lightens the mood. Plus others assessments affect everyone around. If you give a good review of a restaurant, most likely the other people will think more positively about the restaurant. We are just those type of creatures, influenced by our friends and family.
Find area of refuge. If stuck in a negative mood seek out a mental area of refuge. Distraction is a good way to get out of a bad mood. Some ways are to think of a funny memory, your children or a movie that made you happy. Easy yet effective.
Chapter 12: Boot camp perfect, Happiness
For the last month of Gretchen's year long happiness project she decided to do everything on her Resolutions Chart. For this whole month she tidied, organized, sang in the morning, laughed out loud, acknowledged people's feelings, blogged, asked for help, went off the path, read children's books and bought needful things. That's a mouth full and seems very difficult to achieve. She doesn't do it all perfectly but she definitely tries. That deserves a gold star in my opinion. She still experienced bad days but her resolutions would pop up at the right time to help her out of any funk such as thinking of a funny memory, being positive and encouraging to others or going to the gym for more energy.
Gretchen believes that after this year she feels happier. There is not actual evidence except that she feels it. Her house seems to be in a better mood and even her husband has changed such as doing more tasks around the house without Gretchen needing to ask. Maybe because Gretchen has stopped nagging, she speculates. Gretchen was asked, "So what's the secret to happiness?" Her answer, keeping her Resolutions Chart. This was a constant reminder of what she wanted to improve in her life and following through was the toughest part. Lastly, she reflects that, "one of the best ways to make myself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy myself."
The End! I will create my own Resolutions Chart but it will be very similar to Gretchen's except condensed to 21 days (the amount of time left for my first book). I will build on each day's resolutions for each of the following days resulting in attempting to do all of them on the last day. Some of them I will only do once though such as reading children's books.
Charissa
Do you think it's easier to complain than to laugh or easier to yell than to joke around? Studies show that it takes more energy to be uplifting and positive than to be negative and in a lower energy state. That makes sense to me. In engineering school I learned that electrons want to be in their lowest energy state because they are "lazy." I very much enjoy being happy than sad that doesn't mean it doesn't take work. I'm usually in a good mood and try to be uplifting to others and it does take energy to remind myself of the positive side of things and to think of how to keep an experience positive and fun. It does take work and it's worth it.
Laugh out loud. It can boost immunity and lower blood pressure. Plus, it's a source of social bonding. Personally, I'm going to check out a book of jokes. There are professional joke writers so why not utilize their funniness? Laughing out loud is more than just laughter but it's also the ability to give up pride and defensiveness because in order to laugh one needs to be lighthearted about themselves.
Use good manners. This could be in many different ways such as being more agreeable, awareness of other people's needs (a seat on the bus or holding a door open for someone), actively listening to others and trying not to be a know it all, just to name a few things.
Give positive reviews. It lightens the mood. Plus others assessments affect everyone around. If you give a good review of a restaurant, most likely the other people will think more positively about the restaurant. We are just those type of creatures, influenced by our friends and family.
Find area of refuge. If stuck in a negative mood seek out a mental area of refuge. Distraction is a good way to get out of a bad mood. Some ways are to think of a funny memory, your children or a movie that made you happy. Easy yet effective.
Chapter 12: Boot camp perfect, Happiness
For the last month of Gretchen's year long happiness project she decided to do everything on her Resolutions Chart. For this whole month she tidied, organized, sang in the morning, laughed out loud, acknowledged people's feelings, blogged, asked for help, went off the path, read children's books and bought needful things. That's a mouth full and seems very difficult to achieve. She doesn't do it all perfectly but she definitely tries. That deserves a gold star in my opinion. She still experienced bad days but her resolutions would pop up at the right time to help her out of any funk such as thinking of a funny memory, being positive and encouraging to others or going to the gym for more energy.
Gretchen believes that after this year she feels happier. There is not actual evidence except that she feels it. Her house seems to be in a better mood and even her husband has changed such as doing more tasks around the house without Gretchen needing to ask. Maybe because Gretchen has stopped nagging, she speculates. Gretchen was asked, "So what's the secret to happiness?" Her answer, keeping her Resolutions Chart. This was a constant reminder of what she wanted to improve in her life and following through was the toughest part. Lastly, she reflects that, "one of the best ways to make myself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy myself."
The End! I will create my own Resolutions Chart but it will be very similar to Gretchen's except condensed to 21 days (the amount of time left for my first book). I will build on each day's resolutions for each of the following days resulting in attempting to do all of them on the last day. Some of them I will only do once though such as reading children's books.
Charissa
Friday, February 19, 2010
Day 6: The Happiness Project
My personal resolution for 2010 was to pursue my passions. As wisdom begins to kick in (as you get older) you realize that you want to make the most out of your life and live it to it's fullest. Sure working in my 8-5 job in my 4 walled cube is fantastic but there must be more! That's when I decided to pursue my passions when I can and hopefully feel more fulfilled with life. I think the most ideal situation would be to get paid for doing your passion whether that's singing, reading, skiing, or playing football. If that isn't a possibility yet, whatever your passion is pursue it. Keep your day job but pursue with all your energy your passions during your free time and maybe someday they will swap places. You will make money for doing your passions and work the 8-5 job only if you want to. Does that make sense?
Chapter 9 Pursue a Passion, Books
Gretchen says to make your passion a real priority then just an "extra". Studies show this to bring a tremendous happiness boost. To find out what your passion is begin to notice what things interest you and what you enjoyed doing when you were ten years old. These are both good indicators of what your passions are.
Gretchen pursues her passions: Write a novel. Gretchen writes a romance novel in one month. She was very happy that she could accomplish such a feat. It may not be the best novel but it's the fact that she discovered that if she wanted to she could do it and she enjoyed it because it's one of her passions. This "atmosphere of growth" brought her much happiness. Make time. Enough said. Forget about results. What makes a passion so pleasureable is the fact that you don't have to worry about results. There isn't a time constraint or an outcome except to please yourself. No pressure and it's something you enjoy! Master a new technology. For her passion she learned to create hard bound picture books from shutterfly, an online photo service. She also discovered lulu.com, a do it yourself book maker where she could print her books in hardbound without a publisher. Ironically, this is my passion to. I will have to check these two places out and make some of my own books. Who needs a publisher?!? To close, Gretchen, encourages all to pursue their passions as Michel de Montaigne said, "The least strained and most natural ways of the soul are the most beautiful; the best occupations are the least forced."
Chapter 10 Pay attention, Mindfulness
Mindfulness - The cultivation of conscious, nonjudgmental awareness.
We often are consumed in our thoughts of the past and our hopes of the future instead of being mindful of the present moment. An example of not being in the present moment would be when you are introduced to a new person and you immediately forget their name. What were you thinking about instead at that moment? Scientists have researched that staying mindful helps calm the mind and elevates brain function. It also gives clarity to a present experience among many other benefits.
Meditate on koans. She begins her search in Budhism. Koans are what Zen Budhist monks meditate on as a way to abandon dependence on reason in their pursuit of enlightenment. "A koan is a question or a statement that can't be understood logically." An example would be, "Two hands clap and there is a sound. What is the sound of one hand?" Meditate on that! After all of this zen thinking she wasn't enlightened but she did feel a sense of happiness that comes with pondering difficult and intellectual questions.
Examine true rules. When I ask have you ever heard of Munich or Minden which would be your answer? Most likely Munich. Naturally you would hold Munich to be the larger German city because you are familiar with the name. This is called heuristics; mental rules of thumb or commonsense principles you apply to solve a problem or make a quick decision. But is it really true? She examines some of her own "true rules" such as "get some exercise every day," "My parents are almost always right," Try to attend any party or event to which I'm invited." She noticed that by knowing her true rules she could be mindful of them and be more in line with her values.
Stimulate the mind in new ways. Sticky notes to remind you of the frame of mind you wish to cultivate. On Gretchen's laptop reads, "Focused and observant." Change your online passwords to a goal you want to achieve, such as "IAmHappy". Listen to new music. Take an art class or dance in your house.
Keep a food diary. Experts say that just being more mindful of what you eat will make you eat more healthy. In order to be more mindful a food diary is recommended. Plus, dieters who keep a food diary are recorded to lose twice as much weight as dieters who do not keep a food diary.
The last two chapters are left for tomorrow. Then, I get to put together my own Resolution Chart and start practicing. Plus the weekend is coming up which is always exciting. I will be spending it in Vail, skiing, eating and enjoying the town with my man, Nate. Have a great weekend!
Charissa
Chapter 9 Pursue a Passion, Books
Gretchen says to make your passion a real priority then just an "extra". Studies show this to bring a tremendous happiness boost. To find out what your passion is begin to notice what things interest you and what you enjoyed doing when you were ten years old. These are both good indicators of what your passions are.
Gretchen pursues her passions: Write a novel. Gretchen writes a romance novel in one month. She was very happy that she could accomplish such a feat. It may not be the best novel but it's the fact that she discovered that if she wanted to she could do it and she enjoyed it because it's one of her passions. This "atmosphere of growth" brought her much happiness. Make time. Enough said. Forget about results. What makes a passion so pleasureable is the fact that you don't have to worry about results. There isn't a time constraint or an outcome except to please yourself. No pressure and it's something you enjoy! Master a new technology. For her passion she learned to create hard bound picture books from shutterfly, an online photo service. She also discovered lulu.com, a do it yourself book maker where she could print her books in hardbound without a publisher. Ironically, this is my passion to. I will have to check these two places out and make some of my own books. Who needs a publisher?!? To close, Gretchen, encourages all to pursue their passions as Michel de Montaigne said, "The least strained and most natural ways of the soul are the most beautiful; the best occupations are the least forced."
Chapter 10 Pay attention, Mindfulness
Mindfulness - The cultivation of conscious, nonjudgmental awareness.
We often are consumed in our thoughts of the past and our hopes of the future instead of being mindful of the present moment. An example of not being in the present moment would be when you are introduced to a new person and you immediately forget their name. What were you thinking about instead at that moment? Scientists have researched that staying mindful helps calm the mind and elevates brain function. It also gives clarity to a present experience among many other benefits.
Meditate on koans. She begins her search in Budhism. Koans are what Zen Budhist monks meditate on as a way to abandon dependence on reason in their pursuit of enlightenment. "A koan is a question or a statement that can't be understood logically." An example would be, "Two hands clap and there is a sound. What is the sound of one hand?" Meditate on that! After all of this zen thinking she wasn't enlightened but she did feel a sense of happiness that comes with pondering difficult and intellectual questions.
Examine true rules. When I ask have you ever heard of Munich or Minden which would be your answer? Most likely Munich. Naturally you would hold Munich to be the larger German city because you are familiar with the name. This is called heuristics; mental rules of thumb or commonsense principles you apply to solve a problem or make a quick decision. But is it really true? She examines some of her own "true rules" such as "get some exercise every day," "My parents are almost always right," Try to attend any party or event to which I'm invited." She noticed that by knowing her true rules she could be mindful of them and be more in line with her values.
Stimulate the mind in new ways. Sticky notes to remind you of the frame of mind you wish to cultivate. On Gretchen's laptop reads, "Focused and observant." Change your online passwords to a goal you want to achieve, such as "IAmHappy". Listen to new music. Take an art class or dance in your house.
Keep a food diary. Experts say that just being more mindful of what you eat will make you eat more healthy. In order to be more mindful a food diary is recommended. Plus, dieters who keep a food diary are recorded to lose twice as much weight as dieters who do not keep a food diary.
The last two chapters are left for tomorrow. Then, I get to put together my own Resolution Chart and start practicing. Plus the weekend is coming up which is always exciting. I will be spending it in Vail, skiing, eating and enjoying the town with my man, Nate. Have a great weekend!
Charissa
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Day 5: The Happiness Project
Almost done reading the book, at least more than half way and only 2 more days until I get to put into practice what Gretchen has spoken about. Hopefully, my fellow engineer's won't think I'm crazy when I'm reading children's books at lunch time. Oh well it is for the sake of the "project" after all. In respect to the blank book mentioned yesterday (a book full of clippings and memorabilia) I have saved my fortune from today's lunch. It reads, "The world will soon be ready to receive your talents." Hmmm....I better get ready then. I'm looking forward to creating my own blank book, reading children's books, not nagging at Nate or anyone and just being happy. Crossing my fingers.
Chapter 7 Buy some happiness, Money
Of course the issue of whether money brings happiness would be up for discussion. I think many of us would like to believe it doesn't buy happiness (as to not be shallow) but Gretchen points out that money can provide happiness if spent wisely. It is seen in society as a way to keep score, win security, exercise generosity and earn recognition. It's a symbol of status and success. Some say, "Money can't buy happiness." but people seem to be convinced otherwise. Studies show that people in wealthier countries report being happier than in poorer countries. Gretchen mentions that "Studies show that peoples basic psychological needs include the need to feel secure, to feel good at what they do, to be loved, to feel connected to others, and to have a strong sense of control." In order to stick with her happiness project she searches for ways to use money to fulfill her happiness goals.
Indulge in a modest splurge. A favorite pen if you are a writer. File boxes to keep mementos and/or a
happy box, photo frames, new cutlery, new pillows or towels. All of these things may be small in cost but can have a big payout to creating a happier lifestyle for yourself!
Spend out. Don't think about the return. Does it cost more money to repair that broken camera you have been meaning to repair or just purchase a new one? Are you saving perfume or special plates for a special time but have never used them in years? Now is the time to use them and spend out.
Give something up; your morning coffee run (make at home), newspapers (read online).
Money should be used to support aspects of your life that bring you happiness. Okay Gretchen, I will watch out for frivolous spending that doesn't bring me happiness and purchase more on modest splurges that have a high happiness return.
Chapter 8 Contemplate the heavens, Eternity
Spiritual states are essential to happiness such as gratitude, mindfulness and contemplation of death. Studies show spiritual people are relatively happier. She begins to read memoirs of catastrophe to become more aware of the preciousness of life and to learn about spirituality from others. William Edward Hartpole Lecky said, "When we would have given all the world to be as we were but yesterday, though that yesterday had passed over is unappreciated and unenjoyed." She realizes how grateful she has to not have to endure some of the pain and suffering of the people in these memoirs. Spiritually, she learns to live her life, now. This was a main theme throughout these books. She then decides to keep a gratitude notebook. Three sentences of gratitude every day. She goes a step further and decides to turn complaints into gratitude. For example, "I hate going to the doctor." Instead, "I am grateful that I have good health care that allows me to see a doctor." Gretchen explains that gratitude brings freedom from envy because you're not consumed with wanting something else. It fosters forbearance because it's harder to feel disappointed wth someone when you are feeling grateful towards him or her. It also connects you with nature because it's so easy to feel connected with the beauty of nature. In order to continue her practice of gratefulness she wants to begin a journal but doesn't want to get bogged down with the commitment so she creates a one sentence journal. One sentence of a memorable event from the day and what she is grateful for. This is great for having a log to look back on, to remember the important happy everyday things that can be forgotten easily.
Lastly, to imitate a spiritual master to bring more happiness as studies show. Similar to when Christians ask, "What would Jesus do?" Gretchen is a reverent agnostic- attracted to belief but did not have a particular belief nor a spiritual master. She begins to look for one and stumbles upon St. Therese, a young convent nun. She focused on the little daily things to make her happy just like her happiness project. St. Therese is quoted saying, "Love proves itself by deeds, so how am I to show my love? Great deeds are forbidden me. The only way I can prove my love is by...every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and the doing of the least actions for love." Gretchen knows she can aspire to perfection within the common order of her day and hopefully be happier. Therese always seemed happy to the others but she had inner turmoil spiritually and she was physically sick. She hid these things as a way to love others. Because of her spirituality she acted happy for her God and spread happiness to all that were around her. Very noble indeed.
Money and spirituality, almost two opposing ideas but they both contribute to our happiness and unhappiness. Both need to be chosen wisely and thought out carefully in our daily lives. After reading these two chapters, I will have to have a modest splurge on a book light so I can keep up with this heavy reading schedule and purchase Saint Therese's memoir, Story of a Soul.
Chapter 7 Buy some happiness, Money
Of course the issue of whether money brings happiness would be up for discussion. I think many of us would like to believe it doesn't buy happiness (as to not be shallow) but Gretchen points out that money can provide happiness if spent wisely. It is seen in society as a way to keep score, win security, exercise generosity and earn recognition. It's a symbol of status and success. Some say, "Money can't buy happiness." but people seem to be convinced otherwise. Studies show that people in wealthier countries report being happier than in poorer countries. Gretchen mentions that "Studies show that peoples basic psychological needs include the need to feel secure, to feel good at what they do, to be loved, to feel connected to others, and to have a strong sense of control." In order to stick with her happiness project she searches for ways to use money to fulfill her happiness goals.
Indulge in a modest splurge. A favorite pen if you are a writer. File boxes to keep mementos and/or a
happy box, photo frames, new cutlery, new pillows or towels. All of these things may be small in cost but can have a big payout to creating a happier lifestyle for yourself!
Spend out. Don't think about the return. Does it cost more money to repair that broken camera you have been meaning to repair or just purchase a new one? Are you saving perfume or special plates for a special time but have never used them in years? Now is the time to use them and spend out.
Give something up; your morning coffee run (make at home), newspapers (read online).
Money should be used to support aspects of your life that bring you happiness. Okay Gretchen, I will watch out for frivolous spending that doesn't bring me happiness and purchase more on modest splurges that have a high happiness return.
Chapter 8 Contemplate the heavens, Eternity
Spiritual states are essential to happiness such as gratitude, mindfulness and contemplation of death. Studies show spiritual people are relatively happier. She begins to read memoirs of catastrophe to become more aware of the preciousness of life and to learn about spirituality from others. William Edward Hartpole Lecky said, "When we would have given all the world to be as we were but yesterday, though that yesterday had passed over is unappreciated and unenjoyed." She realizes how grateful she has to not have to endure some of the pain and suffering of the people in these memoirs. Spiritually, she learns to live her life, now. This was a main theme throughout these books. She then decides to keep a gratitude notebook. Three sentences of gratitude every day. She goes a step further and decides to turn complaints into gratitude. For example, "I hate going to the doctor." Instead, "I am grateful that I have good health care that allows me to see a doctor." Gretchen explains that gratitude brings freedom from envy because you're not consumed with wanting something else. It fosters forbearance because it's harder to feel disappointed wth someone when you are feeling grateful towards him or her. It also connects you with nature because it's so easy to feel connected with the beauty of nature. In order to continue her practice of gratefulness she wants to begin a journal but doesn't want to get bogged down with the commitment so she creates a one sentence journal. One sentence of a memorable event from the day and what she is grateful for. This is great for having a log to look back on, to remember the important happy everyday things that can be forgotten easily.
Lastly, to imitate a spiritual master to bring more happiness as studies show. Similar to when Christians ask, "What would Jesus do?" Gretchen is a reverent agnostic- attracted to belief but did not have a particular belief nor a spiritual master. She begins to look for one and stumbles upon St. Therese, a young convent nun. She focused on the little daily things to make her happy just like her happiness project. St. Therese is quoted saying, "Love proves itself by deeds, so how am I to show my love? Great deeds are forbidden me. The only way I can prove my love is by...every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and the doing of the least actions for love." Gretchen knows she can aspire to perfection within the common order of her day and hopefully be happier. Therese always seemed happy to the others but she had inner turmoil spiritually and she was physically sick. She hid these things as a way to love others. Because of her spirituality she acted happy for her God and spread happiness to all that were around her. Very noble indeed.
Money and spirituality, almost two opposing ideas but they both contribute to our happiness and unhappiness. Both need to be chosen wisely and thought out carefully in our daily lives. After reading these two chapters, I will have to have a modest splurge on a book light so I can keep up with this heavy reading schedule and purchase Saint Therese's memoir, Story of a Soul.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Day 4: The Happiness Project
I let the author of The Happiness Project know about my project, here is her response (very sweet lady):
Hi Charissa,
Thanks so much for your kind email. I’m thrilled that you’re spotlighting my book that way! How great! Your idea sounds terrific – did you read HELPING ME HELP MYSELF? Same kind of idea, good book, you might like it.
Thanks, Gretchen
I checked out the book Helping Me Help Myself? and it's a similar idea. Beth Lisick actually goes to great lengths to meet her guru's face-to-face. Cool idea! I was very pleased to get an email back from Gretchen because I am really enjoying her book. I have already found myself smiling more and reacting differently to certain situations. Can't wait to begin practicing.
Chapter 5 Be Serious About Play, Leisure
Gretchen's irony about being serious about play stems from the fact that we all can get carried away with checking off items on our to do list and skipping over having fun in life. She wants to devote to play time which is doing activities just because you want to do them. Additionally, she wants to experiment with new interests and draw closer to other people.
Find more fun. Just because something is fun for someone else does not mean it will be fun for you and vice versa. She realizes that she doesn't actually like going to shows or sporting events. She does admit to enjoying children's books. They deal openly with themes such as good versus evil and the supreme power of love. Adult novels focus on guilt, hypocrisy, perversion of good intentions, sexual passion and the inevitability of death; grand literary themes yet kids books are more simpler and enjoyable in her opinion. In order to seek this passion she begins a children's book club but for adults. Some other things to try: making blank books - a book full of clippings, cartoons, memorabilia, quotes, pictures etc. Go off the path. Begin an interest log, write down what things throughout the day catch your interest. New Interests. Read 3 new magazines on random topics. Start a happiness box collection. Take time to be silly. A study shows that we unconsciously catch emotions from other people, good or bad called "emotional contagion." Having more fun should hopefully rub off on other people. Now that sounds fun!
Chapter 6: Make time for friends, friendship
Most studies suggest that having strong social bonds is one of the most meaningful contributers to happiness. Close relationships let you confide in others and give a sense of belonging. Friendships can be hard to maintain so Gretchen suggests to at least remember birthdays. She uses HappyBirthday.com.
Be generous. This strengthens the bonds of friendship and boosts your own mood for helping someone else out. Instead of purchasing things, help people think big (words of enthusiasm and encourgement), bring
people together (organize a group outing), contribute in your own way (help someone clear out their closet), cut people slack (peoples lives are far more complicated then it appears from the outside), and lastly, show up (familiarity breeds affection, the more you see a person the more you will like them in most cases).
Don't gossip. "Spontaneous trait transference" is when people unintentionally transfer the traits they ascribe to other people. An example would be if I say Jean is really friendly. I am then linked to that quality of being friendly. What I say about other people sticks to me. It takes one to know one basically.
Make three new friends. Smile more frequently; how much you smile is interpreted to how friendly you are perceived to be. Actively invite others to join a conversation; it is polite and appreciated by everyone. Create a positive mood; Samuel Johnson, "To hear complaints is wearisome alike to the wretched and the happy." Open a conversation; talk about the immediate circumstances, the event, decor, a current event.
Look accessible; eye contact. Listen; find genuine pleasure in someone elses stories. Lastly, ask questions; people love to talk about themselves.
As soon as I'm done reading the book then I will create a Resolutions Chart as recommended by Gretchen. She has a lot of tips for a whole year. I will pick 1 or 2 per day and then build on those by adding another 1 or 2 per day. Hopefully, I will be able to practice 21 to 42 different happiness tips. Stay tuned for Chapter 7 and 8 tomorrow.
Charissa
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Day 3: The Happiness Project
I am finding so many helpful tips on every aspect of life that encourages happiness. Chapter four has many great insights on creating happiness for your home with your children in mind.
Chapter 4: Lighten Up Parenthood
Gretchen's goal is to be more tender and playful with her two daughters. No nagging and yelling. Her kids give her much happinness regardless of the normal irritations, distractions and time pressures of raising them. She wants to create a peaceful, joyous, and cheerful attitude in the home. My favorite example is when she pulls an April fools day joke on her oldest daughter. She puts a bowl of cereal in the freezer over night. In the morning Gretchen gives the frozen bowl of cereal to her daughter. It was super fun and lightened the attitude in the house to a playful one.
Sing in the morning, because it begins the day in a happy tone. Make a joke to lighten up the mood. For example, Gretchen's daughter begins to complain and says, I don't want to go to Tae Kwon Do. Gretchen repeats "I don't want to go to Tae Kwon Do, (with emphasis on "go" and "do") and let's her daughter know she is a poet and doesn't even know it. They both laughed and it was never complained about again.
Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings. There is a teaching from Fabrr and Mazlish to acknolwedge other people's feelings. So if your child is angry, acknowledge it and that's it. Most of the time kids and adults just want their feelings to be acknowledged. Some ways to show this is to write it down (ie. I hear u don't like grapenut cereal I will write that down so I remember); don't feel you have to say anything; don't say 'no' or 'stop' (ie. "No, not until after lunch." Instead say "Yes, as soon as we've finished lunch); wave magic wand (ie. if I had a magic wand I would make you not have to go to school today); admit that a task is difficult (ie. Cleaning your room once a week does take time). Gretchen further explains that "experts say that denying bad feelings only intesifies them" and that acknowledging them allows good feelings to return.
Be a treasure house of happy memories. She has decided that she will be the family reporter because being reminded of happy times creates happy feelings. She begins to carry a camera with her everywhere to take pictures and send family updates to friends and family. Other tips include creating a file box full of momentos to stay organized and to have easy access to the happy memories. She also wants to keep family traditions such as the date night her kids have with their grandparents. Another tradition that was created was
"polite night" where a formal dinner is served and good manners are enforced. The kids love it and these traditions continue the process of creating happy memories.
Take time for projects. As stated by Gretchen, "Projects are a highlight of childhood - and adulthood." She buys a laminator where modest pieces of paper can now become personalized place mats, bookmarks, great gifts for grandparents etc.
To sum up, happiness has four stages to make the most out of an experience; anticipate it, savor it, express happiness, and recall a happy memory. By reliving a happy memory you are amplifying it's happiness factor. Having kids brings happiness, things she normally would not have experienced were actually enjoyable to her such as making the home made gifts with the laminator, reading kid's books and singing fun kid's songs. She realizes she may not have changed from all of this but she has increased her happiness. She has more sources of fun, engagement and satisfaction along with eliminating some sources of guilt and anger. She sees how her mood affects the household, "Each member of a family picks up and reflects everyone elses's emotions - but of course I could change no one's actions except my own." Well put Gretchen!
I have read the next chapter, 5, but I feel there is so much covered in this chapter that I will wait to post it until tomorrow. I hope these tips help. I am loooking forward to practicing these things such as singing in the morning, making jokes, and carrying a camera with me to document happy times.
Charissa
Chapter 4: Lighten Up Parenthood
Gretchen's goal is to be more tender and playful with her two daughters. No nagging and yelling. Her kids give her much happinness regardless of the normal irritations, distractions and time pressures of raising them. She wants to create a peaceful, joyous, and cheerful attitude in the home. My favorite example is when she pulls an April fools day joke on her oldest daughter. She puts a bowl of cereal in the freezer over night. In the morning Gretchen gives the frozen bowl of cereal to her daughter. It was super fun and lightened the attitude in the house to a playful one.
Sing in the morning, because it begins the day in a happy tone. Make a joke to lighten up the mood. For example, Gretchen's daughter begins to complain and says, I don't want to go to Tae Kwon Do. Gretchen repeats "I don't want to go to Tae Kwon Do, (with emphasis on "go" and "do") and let's her daughter know she is a poet and doesn't even know it. They both laughed and it was never complained about again.
Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings. There is a teaching from Fabrr and Mazlish to acknolwedge other people's feelings. So if your child is angry, acknowledge it and that's it. Most of the time kids and adults just want their feelings to be acknowledged. Some ways to show this is to write it down (ie. I hear u don't like grapenut cereal I will write that down so I remember); don't feel you have to say anything; don't say 'no' or 'stop' (ie. "No, not until after lunch." Instead say "Yes, as soon as we've finished lunch); wave magic wand (ie. if I had a magic wand I would make you not have to go to school today); admit that a task is difficult (ie. Cleaning your room once a week does take time). Gretchen further explains that "experts say that denying bad feelings only intesifies them" and that acknowledging them allows good feelings to return.
Be a treasure house of happy memories. She has decided that she will be the family reporter because being reminded of happy times creates happy feelings. She begins to carry a camera with her everywhere to take pictures and send family updates to friends and family. Other tips include creating a file box full of momentos to stay organized and to have easy access to the happy memories. She also wants to keep family traditions such as the date night her kids have with their grandparents. Another tradition that was created was
"polite night" where a formal dinner is served and good manners are enforced. The kids love it and these traditions continue the process of creating happy memories.
Take time for projects. As stated by Gretchen, "Projects are a highlight of childhood - and adulthood." She buys a laminator where modest pieces of paper can now become personalized place mats, bookmarks, great gifts for grandparents etc.
To sum up, happiness has four stages to make the most out of an experience; anticipate it, savor it, express happiness, and recall a happy memory. By reliving a happy memory you are amplifying it's happiness factor. Having kids brings happiness, things she normally would not have experienced were actually enjoyable to her such as making the home made gifts with the laminator, reading kid's books and singing fun kid's songs. She realizes she may not have changed from all of this but she has increased her happiness. She has more sources of fun, engagement and satisfaction along with eliminating some sources of guilt and anger. She sees how her mood affects the household, "Each member of a family picks up and reflects everyone elses's emotions - but of course I could change no one's actions except my own." Well put Gretchen!
I have read the next chapter, 5, but I feel there is so much covered in this chapter that I will wait to post it until tomorrow. I hope these tips help. I am loooking forward to practicing these things such as singing in the morning, making jokes, and carrying a camera with me to document happy times.
Charissa
Monday, February 15, 2010
Day 2: The Happiness Project
Chapters 3 recap of Gretchen Rubin's, The Happiness Project:
Aim Higher, Work
Gretchen explains that work is a very important place to be happy. Happier people are more productive and better leaders at work. She says, "also work can be a source of many of the elements necessary for a happy life: the atmosphere of growth, social contact, fun, a sense of purpose, self esteem, recognition." We are at work for most of our days so why not be happy at work? For this very reason she explains the importance of enjoying what you do. A good question to ask yourself is what do you do during your free time? Possibly, this is a potential prospect for your future career choice. Gretchen was a lawyer before she asked this question to herself. She was writing a book during her free time, she had her answer and the rest is Happiness Project bestseller history. She also decided to start a blog which was recommended by her agent. Even though she was afraid of failing at this new venture to begin her blog she knew that she needed to enjoy the fun of failure. She began to repeat this mantra over in her head; enjoy the fun of failure. She knew that to have more success she needed to be willing to accept more failure including the possibility of a failed blog. In order to be a success she knew she needed to be able to ask for help. She happens to run into two people who know how to begin a blog (lucky for her). This can be tough to resist the urge to pretend to know what you don't know.
In order to aim higher with her work she knew she had to work smart. She asked herself, "When and how long does it take to be most productive? Can I accomplish enough in 15 minute segments?" She discovered that she could accomplish a lot in these 15 minute segments. She learns that the little things daily can add up to a lot over time. The two last things in this chapter I like the most is to burn a candle in your office. The aroma is inviting and pleasurable. Lastly, is to enjoy now! In the book, Happier, written by Tal Ben-Shahar he discusses the "arrival fallacy" which is the belief that when you arrive at a certain destination you'll be happy. Because arriving rarely makes you as happy as you anticipate. Usually it's the process of reaching the goal that creates happiness. Once the goal is achieved then a new goal is created with more responsibility such as a better job or new baby. It's the growth that creates the happiness. Goals are a path to happiness as Friedricj Nietzche said, "The end of a melody is not it's goal; but nonetheless, if the melody had not reached it's end it would not have reached it's goal either. A parable." Challenge brings happinness because it allows you to expand your own self definition.
Stay tuned for Chapter 4 tomorrow; Lighten Up, Parenthood
Charissa
Aim Higher, Work
Gretchen explains that work is a very important place to be happy. Happier people are more productive and better leaders at work. She says, "also work can be a source of many of the elements necessary for a happy life: the atmosphere of growth, social contact, fun, a sense of purpose, self esteem, recognition." We are at work for most of our days so why not be happy at work? For this very reason she explains the importance of enjoying what you do. A good question to ask yourself is what do you do during your free time? Possibly, this is a potential prospect for your future career choice. Gretchen was a lawyer before she asked this question to herself. She was writing a book during her free time, she had her answer and the rest is Happiness Project bestseller history. She also decided to start a blog which was recommended by her agent. Even though she was afraid of failing at this new venture to begin her blog she knew that she needed to enjoy the fun of failure. She began to repeat this mantra over in her head; enjoy the fun of failure. She knew that to have more success she needed to be willing to accept more failure including the possibility of a failed blog. In order to be a success she knew she needed to be able to ask for help. She happens to run into two people who know how to begin a blog (lucky for her). This can be tough to resist the urge to pretend to know what you don't know.
In order to aim higher with her work she knew she had to work smart. She asked herself, "When and how long does it take to be most productive? Can I accomplish enough in 15 minute segments?" She discovered that she could accomplish a lot in these 15 minute segments. She learns that the little things daily can add up to a lot over time. The two last things in this chapter I like the most is to burn a candle in your office. The aroma is inviting and pleasurable. Lastly, is to enjoy now! In the book, Happier, written by Tal Ben-Shahar he discusses the "arrival fallacy" which is the belief that when you arrive at a certain destination you'll be happy. Because arriving rarely makes you as happy as you anticipate. Usually it's the process of reaching the goal that creates happiness. Once the goal is achieved then a new goal is created with more responsibility such as a better job or new baby. It's the growth that creates the happiness. Goals are a path to happiness as Friedricj Nietzche said, "The end of a melody is not it's goal; but nonetheless, if the melody had not reached it's end it would not have reached it's goal either. A parable." Challenge brings happinness because it allows you to expand your own self definition.
Stay tuned for Chapter 4 tomorrow; Lighten Up, Parenthood
Charissa
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Day 1: The Happiness Project
What is the Happiness Project? Gretchen, the author of the book, decides to begin a happiness project. She is of course happy already but she wants to live her life to her potential of happiness. She wants to appreciate her husband, kids, and friends more. She wants to live life to it's fullest and happiest. Check out the explanation yourself.
The Happiness Project chapters 1 & 2 recap
Chapter 1 Subject: Vitality and more energy
Gretchen decides to begin her happiness project with some of the things that are more obvious such sleeping and exercising more and cleaning up clutter around the house. She predicts that clearing out the physical chaos she would be one step closer to inner happiness. She begins with the well-known facts such as sleeping more, a full 8 hours is recommended and having a regular exercise routine, 20 minutes 3 times a week minimum. She then cleans out the clutter from her closet freeing her from old pants and warn out sweatshirts. As she put it, if you say "I could wear this" that means you never will so throw it out! Once her closet was clean, she felt a sense of relief because she was no longer reminded of some of the "mistake" outfits she bought and never wore. I could relate to that. For example the raspberry $70 Bandolino pumps I only wore once because they didn't fit right. A constant reminder of the mistake I made purchasing these pricey shoes. Studies also show that it can be discouraging if one has too many choices or too many clothes. A few more tidbits include the one minute rule - take the time to put a jacket away or papers away if it will only take 1 minute or less to do it. Do an evening tidy-up - it will relax you and it's easier to do a little every night. Her last bit of advice is to act the way you want to feel. She wanted to have energy to play with her kids so she played with them will all of her energy even though she was feeling tired, she had a great time and surprisingly was energized.
Chapter 2 Subject: Marriage
Gretchen has been married for 11 years and while her marriage is great there are still behaviors that have slipped through the cracks. She has decided to quit nagging, give small treats, praise and appreciation to her husband. She will not expect praise as sometimes this doesn't happen. Then, she would get upset because she was not appreciated causing hurt feelings. She realized that she cannot change her husband but she can change herself. As she began to practice these acts of love she noticed a change in her husband. He did show her love in his own way. When fighting to fight right, only tackle the situation at hand instead of bringing up all the past issues. And never use "always" or "never" in a sentence. Try to laugh more and be more lighthearted instead of snapping back. She also decides its not a good idea to dump. What she means is when she is upset about a friend, work or a bill to not go off on how upset she is but instead to say, "oh well" and then deal with it without dumping all those bad feelings. She decides to give him one week of extreme niceness. She quotes Pierre Reverdy, "There is no love, only proofs of love." This week will include more hugs and "I love you's." And love notes around the house including all of the things listed above.
I will begin to compile my list of action items to follow Gretchen's plan toward happiness. Hopefully, they will bring me happiness too. Although, she does say that everyone's happiness project would be different but for the sake of my study I will tailor my happiness project to be similar to hers. I will sleep a full 8 hours every night. I usually already do but that's only because I become so sleepy by 9:30 (I wake up at 6:30 for work). I will begin an exercise program. I would love to get a personal trainer if it fits within the budget. I will clean out my closet, my boyfriend Nate will love that one. I also love the idea of helping him clean out his part! I will do the extreme week of niceness, quit nagging, and stop complaining. I can see why I could be happier doing these things. Inherently, I already know this would make myself and my relationship happier. It can be hard when you spend a lot of time with one person to take them for granted and not be as sweet as you once were. I look forward to seeing how Nate will react to me being extremely nice. Hopefully not too surprised as Gretchen put it, she was happy she didn't see too much of a change in her husband. Her interpretation was that she was seen already by her husband as nice. I will have my fingers crossed.
Gretchen explains that its growth that brings happiness. That's why a new car or building feels good because it's a sign of growth either financially, mentally, or physically. Tomorrow will be chapters 3 and 4. Once the book is complete next Sunday then I will create my own happiness chart as Gretchen does. The chart is a checklist of her resolutions that get a check mark if she does it for the day or an x if she doesn't.
The Happiness Project chapters 1 & 2 recap
Chapter 1 Subject: Vitality and more energy
Gretchen decides to begin her happiness project with some of the things that are more obvious such sleeping and exercising more and cleaning up clutter around the house. She predicts that clearing out the physical chaos she would be one step closer to inner happiness. She begins with the well-known facts such as sleeping more, a full 8 hours is recommended and having a regular exercise routine, 20 minutes 3 times a week minimum. She then cleans out the clutter from her closet freeing her from old pants and warn out sweatshirts. As she put it, if you say "I could wear this" that means you never will so throw it out! Once her closet was clean, she felt a sense of relief because she was no longer reminded of some of the "mistake" outfits she bought and never wore. I could relate to that. For example the raspberry $70 Bandolino pumps I only wore once because they didn't fit right. A constant reminder of the mistake I made purchasing these pricey shoes. Studies also show that it can be discouraging if one has too many choices or too many clothes. A few more tidbits include the one minute rule - take the time to put a jacket away or papers away if it will only take 1 minute or less to do it. Do an evening tidy-up - it will relax you and it's easier to do a little every night. Her last bit of advice is to act the way you want to feel. She wanted to have energy to play with her kids so she played with them will all of her energy even though she was feeling tired, she had a great time and surprisingly was energized.
Chapter 2 Subject: Marriage
Gretchen has been married for 11 years and while her marriage is great there are still behaviors that have slipped through the cracks. She has decided to quit nagging, give small treats, praise and appreciation to her husband. She will not expect praise as sometimes this doesn't happen. Then, she would get upset because she was not appreciated causing hurt feelings. She realized that she cannot change her husband but she can change herself. As she began to practice these acts of love she noticed a change in her husband. He did show her love in his own way. When fighting to fight right, only tackle the situation at hand instead of bringing up all the past issues. And never use "always" or "never" in a sentence. Try to laugh more and be more lighthearted instead of snapping back. She also decides its not a good idea to dump. What she means is when she is upset about a friend, work or a bill to not go off on how upset she is but instead to say, "oh well" and then deal with it without dumping all those bad feelings. She decides to give him one week of extreme niceness. She quotes Pierre Reverdy, "There is no love, only proofs of love." This week will include more hugs and "I love you's." And love notes around the house including all of the things listed above.
I will begin to compile my list of action items to follow Gretchen's plan toward happiness. Hopefully, they will bring me happiness too. Although, she does say that everyone's happiness project would be different but for the sake of my study I will tailor my happiness project to be similar to hers. I will sleep a full 8 hours every night. I usually already do but that's only because I become so sleepy by 9:30 (I wake up at 6:30 for work). I will begin an exercise program. I would love to get a personal trainer if it fits within the budget. I will clean out my closet, my boyfriend Nate will love that one. I also love the idea of helping him clean out his part! I will do the extreme week of niceness, quit nagging, and stop complaining. I can see why I could be happier doing these things. Inherently, I already know this would make myself and my relationship happier. It can be hard when you spend a lot of time with one person to take them for granted and not be as sweet as you once were. I look forward to seeing how Nate will react to me being extremely nice. Hopefully not too surprised as Gretchen put it, she was happy she didn't see too much of a change in her husband. Her interpretation was that she was seen already by her husband as nice. I will have my fingers crossed.
Gretchen explains that its growth that brings happiness. That's why a new car or building feels good because it's a sign of growth either financially, mentally, or physically. Tomorrow will be chapters 3 and 4. Once the book is complete next Sunday then I will create my own happiness chart as Gretchen does. The chart is a checklist of her resolutions that get a check mark if she does it for the day or an x if she doesn't.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Intro: Preparing for The Happiness Project, book 1
Just thinking about The Happiness Project book is changing my decisions. The title of the book is consciously influencing my thoughts and actions. For example, I left sticky notes around the house before I left today for when my boyfriend, Nate, get's back from his monthly work trip to Seattle. I let him know that I cleaned the drawers in the bathroom, cleared out old clothes from the closet, and did the dishes. Ya, sort of highlighted all the good deeds I did. This may sound a little selfish and it partly was for my own praise to be perfectly honest. He would benefit from it though too. Oh, one more thing I did make him a fresh pot of coffee. All of these things did make me feel good and hopefully will bring some happiness into his life.
One thing I've noticed since my heightened awareness of happiness is that some people aren't that happy. They are just going through the motions of life or they have a pessimistic view. I want to cheer them up but sometimes it just can't be done. Sometimes I think if I were only funnier or had a good blond joke to share then I could cheer them up. I definitely need to put that on my to do list...learn more blond jokes.
Anyway, I'm feeling sort of sad today because I wish more people were happy. I think life and negative thoughts get in the way of happy thoughts and that just sucks. I have a thought that this life is for learning, fun, and love. These are the things that I would like to be able to focus on all the time. I'm looking forward to reading The Happiness Project and learning tips and tricks to be happier for myself and to be a light to other people.
Can't wait to start reading the book with you!
Charissa
Read Chapters 1 and 2 this Sunday, February 14, Valentine's Day
One thing I've noticed since my heightened awareness of happiness is that some people aren't that happy. They are just going through the motions of life or they have a pessimistic view. I want to cheer them up but sometimes it just can't be done. Sometimes I think if I were only funnier or had a good blond joke to share then I could cheer them up. I definitely need to put that on my to do list...learn more blond jokes.
Anyway, I'm feeling sort of sad today because I wish more people were happy. I think life and negative thoughts get in the way of happy thoughts and that just sucks. I have a thought that this life is for learning, fun, and love. These are the things that I would like to be able to focus on all the time. I'm looking forward to reading The Happiness Project and learning tips and tricks to be happier for myself and to be a light to other people.
Can't wait to start reading the book with you!
Charissa
Read Chapters 1 and 2 this Sunday, February 14, Valentine's Day
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Intro: Why you should follow along with my blog
Just in case I haven't iterated it enough, everyone can learn from self-help books. After all, that is what "they" promise. Whether you believe that or not at least come along for the ride and you can either prove or disprove that theory with me.
The way I see it is that we all have things that we are working on or want to work on. Some of these things could include, being less grumpy, more happy, losing weight, quitting smoking, yelling less at your husband/wife, a job promotion etc. The guru's claim that with their ideology you can improve every aspect of you life if you are willing to give it a shot.
Once again, I ask, why not? You will have no obligation to ever read any of these books but by reading my blog you will get a good peek into what they are about. Hopefully, you will be able to take away some of the tips that I learn and apply it to your life. Sound good? I think it sounds great!!! So come along, just click that follow button on the top right of the screen.
Happy Growing,
Charissa
The way I see it is that we all have things that we are working on or want to work on. Some of these things could include, being less grumpy, more happy, losing weight, quitting smoking, yelling less at your husband/wife, a job promotion etc. The guru's claim that with their ideology you can improve every aspect of you life if you are willing to give it a shot.
Once again, I ask, why not? You will have no obligation to ever read any of these books but by reading my blog you will get a good peek into what they are about. Hopefully, you will be able to take away some of the tips that I learn and apply it to your life. Sound good? I think it sounds great!!! So come along, just click that follow button on the top right of the screen.
Happy Growing,
Charissa
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Intro: A little about me
So some of you may be thinking I must have some serious issues to be such a follower of self-help. I just want to say "nah" I'm a perfectly normal human being. I am always happy, up-beat, peaceful, kind, non-judgmental, and just a darn good person overall. Alright, this is when you are supposed to laugh. I may focus on the happier things in life and try to help a friend out of a bad mood but I'm definitely not perfect. Of course we all like to think that but we all have struggles. Most of us want to be happy and discover our purpose or at least have a direction in life. I crave learning about how to be better and self-help guru's seem to have a method so why not give it a try? They seem to have a decent following. I believe if you have a good idea others will follow so I'm going to count on that bit of truth to put my faith in these guru's that I have picked.
As with all good year long projects you need to know a little about me. As time goes on you will probably know too much about me, but hopefully that won't be a bad thing. I am 4' 11" and I get picked on about my size at least a few times a week. It's as if short jokes never get old. I just keep repeating to myself, "good things come in small packages." I am not married although I am in a serious relationship. I have an older, single sister (32 years) whom I adore. Plus, my mom who is the coolest mom ever (think accepting, loving, and cool all in one package). I have a bachelor's in Electrical Engineering and work at very large hard drive company. I'm 28 years old. I love to read self-help books, oh wait you already knew that, and practice what I've learned on my loved ones...poor them! Sometimes it works sometimes they look at me like I'm crazy. Anyway, I'm super excited to begin. One last thing...the phonetic pronunciation of my name is Kuh ree' sah, like Theresa but with a "k" sound. That seems to trip people up a lot and I can't blame them, Charissa is not spelled as it should sound. I wasn't given the choice on the spelling of my name, obviously,otherwise it would be spelled, Karesa. I think people would get that better. Anyway, total rant, I've been through this explanation process too many times as anyone with difficult name would be able to relate.
Start date is Valentine's day for The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. If you are reading along there are 12 chapters, one for every month of the year. This is how she separates her tasks. We will read 2 chapters a day to read the book in 7 days adding 3 chapters for the last day. I will discuss daily what is in the book and what I have put into practice.
TTL,
Charissa
As with all good year long projects you need to know a little about me. As time goes on you will probably know too much about me, but hopefully that won't be a bad thing. I am 4' 11" and I get picked on about my size at least a few times a week. It's as if short jokes never get old. I just keep repeating to myself, "good things come in small packages." I am not married although I am in a serious relationship. I have an older, single sister (32 years) whom I adore. Plus, my mom who is the coolest mom ever (think accepting, loving, and cool all in one package). I have a bachelor's in Electrical Engineering and work at very large hard drive company. I'm 28 years old. I love to read self-help books, oh wait you already knew that, and practice what I've learned on my loved ones...poor them! Sometimes it works sometimes they look at me like I'm crazy. Anyway, I'm super excited to begin. One last thing...the phonetic pronunciation of my name is Kuh ree' sah, like Theresa but with a "k" sound. That seems to trip people up a lot and I can't blame them, Charissa is not spelled as it should sound. I wasn't given the choice on the spelling of my name, obviously,otherwise it would be spelled, Karesa. I think people would get that better. Anyway, total rant, I've been through this explanation process too many times as anyone with difficult name would be able to relate.
Start date is Valentine's day for The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. If you are reading along there are 12 chapters, one for every month of the year. This is how she separates her tasks. We will read 2 chapters a day to read the book in 7 days adding 3 chapters for the last day. I will discuss daily what is in the book and what I have put into practice.
TTL,
Charissa
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Intro: Setting the Foundation for the Self-Help Guru Study - non Christian and Unbiased
I have read a lot of self-help books. I know that each guru has a special message although not always unique. There is a common philosophy and goal which is inner peace, happier relationships and love. I respect each teacher because they all have a unique way of getting to this peaceful place. They each have a unique perspective and tools to obtain this zen. In order to fully absorb each idea it must be put into practice and diligently. This is the hard part, to not let life distract me. It's amazing how one week or one month can go by like a blink of an eye. I will be diligent though because I have a blog to keep up on and the ultimate goal of my own personal growth, better relationships and more inner peace. Needless to say I am ready and I hope you are ready too. I hope we can both learn from this together. I will look forward to your comments, insights and stories.
I will pick one guru for 28 days. For the first week, I will read their foundational book (the book that made them famous and has their core beliefs outlined). Then, the second week their most up to date released book. I want to add their most recent book because I think it's important to study how they have evolved and have practiced their own philosophy over the years. Of course these guru's have written many books so I will choose the most recent hoping that it will be the best of all they have learned up until this point. I will put together a list of the concepts and put them into practice. Hopefully, my sister, mom, boyfriend, friends, and coworkers won't think I'm crazy when I take a break to meditate during the day (ie. Wayne Dyer swears by this) or when I answer every question with, "Is that really true?" This is Byron Katie's first question to self-realization and inner peace. Apparently, I will have to be extreme about this but who wants to go through life being un-extreme?
Here is my list of 13 authors, some are mainstream (no talk of a higher power) while others are more spiritual (talk of a higher power but whatever that is to the reader). I have added one Christian self-help guru, Joyce Meyer because I have learned a lot from her teachings. I am starting off with Gretchen Rubin's, The Happiness Project, because it is unlike all the other selections in that it guides the reader into setting the foundation in all aspects of life with easy to do things such as clean up your closet and stop nagging. Once this basis is set and the surfaces cleaned then we can dig deeper into the details. You should recognize most of these authors as I tried to pick the most well-known. Hopefully, they can blanket us with their wisdom over the next year.
Usually each person has different exercises to practice their philosophy including meditation, self-examination, affirmations, structured conversation etc. I will utilize them all and even seek out group's specific to each practice by using meet-ups or something similar. We should both be enlightened by this experience or so I have faith that we will. Tomorrow I will give a little background of myself. The Self-Help Guru Study will begin on Valentine's Day because that seems appropriate with the search for inner peace, love, and happier relationships.
TTL,
Charissa
I will pick one guru for 28 days. For the first week, I will read their foundational book (the book that made them famous and has their core beliefs outlined). Then, the second week their most up to date released book. I want to add their most recent book because I think it's important to study how they have evolved and have practiced their own philosophy over the years. Of course these guru's have written many books so I will choose the most recent hoping that it will be the best of all they have learned up until this point. I will put together a list of the concepts and put them into practice. Hopefully, my sister, mom, boyfriend, friends, and coworkers won't think I'm crazy when I take a break to meditate during the day (ie. Wayne Dyer swears by this) or when I answer every question with, "Is that really true?" This is Byron Katie's first question to self-realization and inner peace. Apparently, I will have to be extreme about this but who wants to go through life being un-extreme?
Here is my list of 13 authors, some are mainstream (no talk of a higher power) while others are more spiritual (talk of a higher power but whatever that is to the reader). I have added one Christian self-help guru, Joyce Meyer because I have learned a lot from her teachings. I am starting off with Gretchen Rubin's, The Happiness Project, because it is unlike all the other selections in that it guides the reader into setting the foundation in all aspects of life with easy to do things such as clean up your closet and stop nagging. Once this basis is set and the surfaces cleaned then we can dig deeper into the details. You should recognize most of these authors as I tried to pick the most well-known. Hopefully, they can blanket us with their wisdom over the next year.
Usually each person has different exercises to practice their philosophy including meditation, self-examination, affirmations, structured conversation etc. I will utilize them all and even seek out group's specific to each practice by using meet-ups or something similar. We should both be enlightened by this experience or so I have faith that we will. Tomorrow I will give a little background of myself. The Self-Help Guru Study will begin on Valentine's Day because that seems appropriate with the search for inner peace, love, and happier relationships.
TTL,
Charissa
Monday, February 8, 2010
Intro: Why are there so many self-help books?
Over the years I have read and practiced many teachings of our famous guru's and insightful writers. They include Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Debbie Ford, Byron Katie, Joyce Meyer, Tony Robbins, Jesus' teachings, Buddha etc. What is it they are all trying to tell us? I have learned a lot from each one and have grown to be a better person because I have put their ideas into action. I yell less. I don't get irritated as easily. I am more tolerant. I am happier. My boyfriend likes me more and I haven't been in an all out brawl with my sister in the longest time! This is why I will continue to read their books. I am going to focus intently on one teacher for one month. What more can I learn? Ha! Tons, it's as if this life is a never ending cosmic learning cycle. Once you think you know it all is when you discover only one peel of the onion has been delayered. This is why self-help book after book is published and with a great following. I'm curious if I will discover a common ground amongst these books and what are the differences? Can there be just one self-help book to cover them all?
Come follow my blog as I dive into the many genres of self-help and self-discovery! This way I can do the research and you can just read for a few minutes a day. I will try to bring insight into each of these teacher's ideas all in one blog.
Happy Reading!
Charissa
Come follow my blog as I dive into the many genres of self-help and self-discovery! This way I can do the research and you can just read for a few minutes a day. I will try to bring insight into each of these teacher's ideas all in one blog.
Happy Reading!
Charissa
Sunday, February 7, 2010
It's times like these that motivate me to try to be better
I dislike getting into disagreements with people so much. I always regret what I've said, thought and acted toward the other person. It just eats away at me and I feel so bad. Why? Better yet why did I say what I said and do what I did? I feel like a horrible person.
I don't think it matters to explain what happened because in most people's minds it wouldn't even be a problem or a squabble. I know though that I could have been better and I could have not said what I said. Somewhere in my mind I got the idea that holding in anger isn't good and that every disagreement should be let out into the open. I'm not so sure I believe in that anymore because every time I do confront someone I feel awful afterward. Is this just a weakness in me or is it better not to say things and do things sometimes despite how I feel inside? I heard recently some great wisdom, to act like how you want to feel. Instead of act how you feel.
When I created Pure Qualities.com, my idea for being a better person, I needed to practice the idea over and over and it was so hard. I've come so far. I am so much more loving, trusting, truthful etc. The one quality that I fail miserably at is forgiveness. I suck at forgiving others. I hold grudges for as long as I possibly can. Guess who it hurts more...me. The other person could probably care less that I hold a grudge. Ya, I'm pretty sure they would just move on. Not me though. I would be the one still holding on for dear life to my anger and my righteous attitude. Argh! It sucks for me because I'm just hurting myself.
I need help with this quality, forgiveness. Do others find it so hard? I feel like I don't even know where to start to begin to forgive because I have been holding grudges toward certain people for so long.
I just had a thought. When it comes to my mom or sister, I can forgive them. Frankly, I forgive and I forget. Interesting. So why is it so easy to forgive my family and not others? Regardless of the answer I've come to the realization that I want to forgive others for myself. I need to because it's good for the spirit and good for all.
I will begin to forgive by asking God to help me forgive. As soon as I am upset to have a way to talk myself into forgiveness quickly and deep within my heart.
This week I will pray, say out loud I forgive so and so, and why. I will try to understand the other person's perspective to help me to forgive. I will build this eternal quality within my spirit because I must.
Thank you for listening,
Charissa
I don't think it matters to explain what happened because in most people's minds it wouldn't even be a problem or a squabble. I know though that I could have been better and I could have not said what I said. Somewhere in my mind I got the idea that holding in anger isn't good and that every disagreement should be let out into the open. I'm not so sure I believe in that anymore because every time I do confront someone I feel awful afterward. Is this just a weakness in me or is it better not to say things and do things sometimes despite how I feel inside? I heard recently some great wisdom, to act like how you want to feel. Instead of act how you feel.
When I created Pure Qualities.com, my idea for being a better person, I needed to practice the idea over and over and it was so hard. I've come so far. I am so much more loving, trusting, truthful etc. The one quality that I fail miserably at is forgiveness. I suck at forgiving others. I hold grudges for as long as I possibly can. Guess who it hurts more...me. The other person could probably care less that I hold a grudge. Ya, I'm pretty sure they would just move on. Not me though. I would be the one still holding on for dear life to my anger and my righteous attitude. Argh! It sucks for me because I'm just hurting myself.
I need help with this quality, forgiveness. Do others find it so hard? I feel like I don't even know where to start to begin to forgive because I have been holding grudges toward certain people for so long.
I just had a thought. When it comes to my mom or sister, I can forgive them. Frankly, I forgive and I forget. Interesting. So why is it so easy to forgive my family and not others? Regardless of the answer I've come to the realization that I want to forgive others for myself. I need to because it's good for the spirit and good for all.
I will begin to forgive by asking God to help me forgive. As soon as I am upset to have a way to talk myself into forgiveness quickly and deep within my heart.
This week I will pray, say out loud I forgive so and so, and why. I will try to understand the other person's perspective to help me to forgive. I will build this eternal quality within my spirit because I must.
Thank you for listening,
Charissa
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