Happy Relationships - Happier at Home

In Gretchin Rubin’s book, Happier at Home, she explains that people who are happy make easier spouses and better dates.  She encourages us to find our happiness not only for ourselves but for our relationships.  She further goes on to explain that happier people usually get married and stay married more easily than unhappy people; support and companionship are important elements to a happy life. Her whole book gives examples of how to be happier every day. 

In order to create happiness in your relationships look at what you desire from your partner.  If you would like more romance, then be more romantic yourself.  Instead of waiting for your partner to fulfill your desires, start fulfilling them yourself.  I love kissing, Nate (my fiancé) so instead of waiting for him to kiss me (which he does, but of course I want more J) I kiss him.  Gretchin recommends a kiss in the morning and a kiss at night.  I’ve been practicing this and am feeling much happier in my life.  It’s a great way to start the day and end it.  It may seem unromantic to schedule these kisses but if it adds happiness to your life, then why not?

Another tip is to give gold stars.  How many of us show our appreciation to our loved one?  When he tackles a project, thank him.  Praise him in front of others.  Say “I love you!” more often.  Be helpful even when not asked.  Speak only good thing even when he is not around.  No more complaining or criticizing.  It can be easy to complain if Nate has been distant by being preoccupied with his work but it only makes me feel icky.  I’d rather speak only good things and focus on these great parts that I love so much about him.  Nate has many good qualities to focus on such as his intelligence, conversational skills, ability to have fun, good friendships, and he’s a very clean guy.  Yes, I like focusing on the positive.  You?

Possessions and their meaning - Happier at Home chapter 1

Possessions have value only by the meaning you place on them.  What possessions do you own that you value more than anything and would be unwilling to let go?  In Gretchin Rubin’s, Happier At Home, she explores this thought of having possessions and the meanings we give to them.  She looks at both sides of the spectrum from not having any possessions and living a “simple life” to having many things.  She likes the idea of a “simple life” but she also knows that her possessions bring her pleasure and sides on the idea of having possessions that have meaning and bring happiness into your life.  She says, “Because I had stuff I didn’t want or need, it felt like I’d be happier with less, but it wasn’t the amount of stuff, it was the engagement with that stuff.”  The goal she made was to remove the things that didn’t matter and make room for more of the things that did.  Her advice is to go shelf-by-shelf to increase your feelings of engagement with the possessions that have meaning and therefore, bring more happiness.

I decided to take this advice and focused on my closet.  At first glance I couldn’t find anything that didn’t have some meaning to me, photo albums, books, clothes, etc.  Then, I saw a pile of bins with makeup that I’ve collected over the years but haven’t used in years.  I threw the old makeup and skin cleaners away.  I was saving them for “just in case” I will use them “someday,” however I knew that “someday” wasn’t going to happen.  It felt good to remove these pieces from my closet.  They had no meaning to me except that I spent money on them and I “should” use them.  The only problem with that thinking is that I was holding onto stuff that didn’t have a valuable meaning.  Basically they were making me feel guilty for buying them and not using them.  What possessions do you have that you are willing to let go of because they lack meaning in your life?