Dyer, in The Shift, says that from the beginning we were completely aligned with our source (God, Tao etc.). We didn't own anything and we had nothing; all we had to do was just be. As we grew older, we learned from others to "stand out" and that "You are successful by how much you own and what you do." This is the idea of a false self. This self believes that we are worthy only by what we have and what we do. He calls this false self the ego (ie. edge God out).
Imagine a new born hyena being taught by it's parents to not hunt, run with the pack or chew on carcasses of animals. Instead he has been told to sit still and not to howl or laugh. That would be ridiculous. Innately, animals behave as their true selves. They do what they feel they should do and they are taught to act upon their instincts. On the contrary, we (humans) move away from our true selves by behaving and acting a certain way to achieve or be something we are not. In this way we can become important in our own minds on the basis of what we own and who we are. This is the EGO. Why does the ego exist? For your own survival, or so it thinks. Once you see yourself as separate then you must take care of yourself because nobody else will. You must be the best and own the most because then you can survive in this world. Is the ego needed then? Dyer says it is the root of all misery because the ego lies. It is not how much we own or who we are that gives us our self worth. We are already worthy because we exist.
6 components of the ego (the false self):
1. Who I am is what I have.
2. Who I am is what I do.
3. Who I am is what others think of me.
4. I am separate from everyone else.
5. I am separate from what's missing in my life.
6. I am separate from God.
My own ego told me that in order to be respected and treated as an equal I needed to be in a profession that would do that. I chose engineering because I wanted to prove that I am capable and worthy as a human being. When I do make a mistake at work I usually feel awful for the day. I need to realize that my worth is not caught up in what I do or how well I do it but that I am worthy, capable, and equal because I am me, a human being. That is a load off my shoulders. Good bye negative (ego) self talk!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Day 21: Higher energy (The Shift - Dyer)
Have you ever heard of muscle testing? There are studies that use the "straight-arm test" to test for allergies, imbalances or deficiencies in the body. There is a study done with positive and negative emotions. They found that most people's arms were weakened (and hence the whole body) when a negative emotion was felt and the opposite for a positive emotion. The positive emotions are said to be at a higher frequency. For example, feeling love (the highest vibrational emotion), the most strength is found throughout the whole body. It is said in the Bible, Tao etc. that God is love. It is a feeling of true bliss and inner peace; it is the highest energy vibration. Wayne Dyer, in The Shift, concludes, "Therefore, we must be love in some way, since we must be like what we came from." In a spiritual sense from a non-physical spiritual being, God. He goes on to say that "Non-being is love. Since we came from non-being, we must be love."
In order to reconnect with ourselves before we became human is to detach from things. We didn't have attachments before. Dyer says, "Before we came into this material world, our essence was nothing. We had no things encumbering us - no rules, no duties, no money, no parents, no hunger, no fear...nothing at all." When we have no attachments is when we are similar to how we were before we were created into a physical form. When we get attached to our car and someone hit's it we get upset. When we are attached to our work and someone doesn't like it, we get upset. When we are attached to our boyfriend/girlfriend and the relationship ends, we are devastated. When we are unattached to an outcome, we are not affected.
Before we started separating ourselves from the source (before we were made into form) we were all one. We still are. Just like the one wave of an ocean would not say it is separate from the ocean. Nor would a person separate themselves from another person because we are all connected through spirit. I wouldn't label my fingers different names to disassociate them from myself. They are apart of me. Humans have named each person to differentiate one from another but really we are all one, all connected, all from the same source. I've had this thought before that if I'm mean to someone, I feel bad afterward. I think it's because I am or have been that other person (making a mistake or bugging someone) and to be mean to them is to be mean to myself. Since I am them because I am going through the same life experience just a different time-line than them. This may seem sort of confusing but I think Dyer is saying we are all connected even though we have separated ourselves as individuals. We are all going through this life in a similar fashion. Let's return to that oneness.
In order to reconnect with ourselves before we became human is to detach from things. We didn't have attachments before. Dyer says, "Before we came into this material world, our essence was nothing. We had no things encumbering us - no rules, no duties, no money, no parents, no hunger, no fear...nothing at all." When we have no attachments is when we are similar to how we were before we were created into a physical form. When we get attached to our car and someone hit's it we get upset. When we are attached to our work and someone doesn't like it, we get upset. When we are attached to our boyfriend/girlfriend and the relationship ends, we are devastated. When we are unattached to an outcome, we are not affected.
Before we started separating ourselves from the source (before we were made into form) we were all one. We still are. Just like the one wave of an ocean would not say it is separate from the ocean. Nor would a person separate themselves from another person because we are all connected through spirit. I wouldn't label my fingers different names to disassociate them from myself. They are apart of me. Humans have named each person to differentiate one from another but really we are all one, all connected, all from the same source. I've had this thought before that if I'm mean to someone, I feel bad afterward. I think it's because I am or have been that other person (making a mistake or bugging someone) and to be mean to them is to be mean to myself. Since I am them because I am going through the same life experience just a different time-line than them. This may seem sort of confusing but I think Dyer is saying we are all connected even though we have separated ourselves as individuals. We are all going through this life in a similar fashion. Let's return to that oneness.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Day 20: From spiritual to the physical - The Shift (Dyer)
There are four shifts in one's life. It begins with shifting from spirit to form. Then, to ambition (ego self). Next is to (away from ourselves and back toward where we came from). Lastly, back to our origination or our meaning. This meaning is a rededicating to our authentic selves. Most people will do the first two shifts. Leaving this earth in our ego self state. This is what most of us see and our taught by others; that this is the goal of life to be the best in your career or the best father/mother or to have a big house. Dyer, in The Shift wants to take us all the way from ambition to meaning in our lives; past the ego and into the meaning of our lives.
Dyer asks the question, "Where do we come from?" He studies quantum physics and he finds that it says that at the tiniest subatomic level; particles don't originate from particles. That matter originated from something formless. That energy helped to produce form. Dyer says that "We are all essentially spiritual beings having a temporary human experience. This is our essence. This is where we came from." To know where we came from we need to become more like our spiritual nature of origin.
Have you ever gotten so excited about something or have felt so peaceful after a good nights sleep? You can't help but feel your spirit inside. It's beautiful and full of life; anything is possible in that moment. I think this is a moment when we are more in tune with our spirit and ultimately our source. He says we are what we came from. For example, if given a piece of apple pie and asked what it tastes like, you would say that it would taste like where it came from, the apple pie. When giving a sample of your blood to test the doctor can find what your whole body is like, because of where the blood came from, it's source. We as spiritual humans are like our source, who is spiritual. We as physical humans are like our source, our physical parents.
These are the questions to ask: Am I like God now? Am I getting closer? The closer we get to God, the more meaning we will have in our lives. But what does that all mean and how do we get there?
Dyer asks the question, "Where do we come from?" He studies quantum physics and he finds that it says that at the tiniest subatomic level; particles don't originate from particles. That matter originated from something formless. That energy helped to produce form. Dyer says that "We are all essentially spiritual beings having a temporary human experience. This is our essence. This is where we came from." To know where we came from we need to become more like our spiritual nature of origin.
Have you ever gotten so excited about something or have felt so peaceful after a good nights sleep? You can't help but feel your spirit inside. It's beautiful and full of life; anything is possible in that moment. I think this is a moment when we are more in tune with our spirit and ultimately our source. He says we are what we came from. For example, if given a piece of apple pie and asked what it tastes like, you would say that it would taste like where it came from, the apple pie. When giving a sample of your blood to test the doctor can find what your whole body is like, because of where the blood came from, it's source. We as spiritual humans are like our source, who is spiritual. We as physical humans are like our source, our physical parents.
These are the questions to ask: Am I like God now? Am I getting closer? The closer we get to God, the more meaning we will have in our lives. But what does that all mean and how do we get there?
Monday, April 26, 2010
Day 19: Erroneous Zone FREE! (Dyer)
Last chapter of Wayne Dyer's, Your Erroneous Zones. Here is a list of what a person would be like if they were free from erroneous zones:
1. Comfortable doing just about anything.
2. Does not complain or wish things were different.
3. Enthusiastic about life.
4. Absence of grumbling. (If it rains they like it.)
5. They deal with the present moment. It is what it is. Make the best of it.
6. Free from guilt.
7. They can admit to making mistakes, but do not wallow in their guilt or wish they hadn't done something.
8. Instead of being upset with you they'll go away or change the subject.
9. No worrying.
10. They seek out experiences that are new and unfamiliar.
11. They are non procrastinators and live in this moment.
12. They are independent
Tomorrow starts Wayne Dyer's latest book, The Shift (published March 2010).
1. Comfortable doing just about anything.
2. Does not complain or wish things were different.
3. Enthusiastic about life.
4. Absence of grumbling. (If it rains they like it.)
5. They deal with the present moment. It is what it is. Make the best of it.
6. Free from guilt.
7. They can admit to making mistakes, but do not wallow in their guilt or wish they hadn't done something.
8. Instead of being upset with you they'll go away or change the subject.
9. No worrying.
10. They seek out experiences that are new and unfamiliar.
11. They are non procrastinators and live in this moment.
12. They are independent
Tomorrow starts Wayne Dyer's latest book, The Shift (published March 2010).
Friday, April 23, 2010
Day 18: Anger (Dyer)
Dyer says in Your Erroneous Zones that "The only antidote to anger is to eliminate the internal sentence, "If only you were more like me." Nate and I were arguing over our social schedule last weekend. He wants to do more outdoor things. I'm more of an indoor person and he is more of an outdoor person. I am the one who usually schedules everything. (We both seemed to agree on that in the beginning of our relationship.) When he said this I felt like he was saying that I did a crappy job of social coordinator. I said if that's something you would like to do more, then let's plan it but I need to know before getting blamed for not doing something I was unaware of. I got angry because I felt no recognition for all the hard work I have put into organizing events. It's not easy. I agree with Wayne. I had the internal sentence. If only he were more like me then he would appreciate all I do for him. If I didn't have this thought and instead thought, "Okay, Nate is different than me and he likes to do outdoor things. I will add that to the schedule." Then, we probably wouldn't have had the fight. I mean I got really angry and hurt by the whole thing. A point that dyer says is unnecessary and it only does harm to yourself and others. Other cases of anger you may be familiar with:
Anger is defined as an immobilizing reaction, experienced when any expectancy is not met. True anger is immobilizing. Not just irritation or annoyance. Wayne says anger is a choice and a habit. That there is
no reward for it. Except for the breaking down of relationships and interference with communication, if that's what you want. Anger is first provoked by your own thoughts. So we get ourselves upset (panties in a wad) for things when there are other constructive ways to deal with life:
"Anger gets in the way. It is good for nothing." Wayne Dyer
1. Road rage
2. Competitive games
3. Taxes
4. Tardiness or lateness
5. The sloppiness of others
Anger is defined as an immobilizing reaction, experienced when any expectancy is not met. True anger is immobilizing. Not just irritation or annoyance. Wayne says anger is a choice and a habit. That there is
no reward for it. Except for the breaking down of relationships and interference with communication, if that's what you want. Anger is first provoked by your own thoughts. So we get ourselves upset (panties in a wad) for things when there are other constructive ways to deal with life:
1. Know that people are different than you. Allow them that.
2. Have a sense of humor. Laugh or be angry. You have the choice.
3. Be aware of your thoughts. You have the choice to change them.
4. You can dislike something and not be angry about it.
5. Neutralize your anger by holding a loved ones hand and then express how you feel.
"Anger gets in the way. It is good for nothing." Wayne Dyer
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Day 17: Dependence (Dyer)
Aren't we all dependent just a little? Okay maybe a lot more than we think. Wayne Dyer in Your Erroneous Zones explains that many of us are taught to be emotionally dependent on our parents and then later in life our spouse. When really we don't need to be. It is an erroneous zone. Being independent is being your own person, not dependent on someone else to determine how you feel or what you think.
What does this independence mean for you? Personally, I rely on my friends and family more than most people. I don't know. I value their opinion but I also may be a little too dependent. If my mom or sister want to go to a certain restaurant I will go along with it even if I don't want to because I am dependent on them liking me and accepting me. This is the irony or erroneous zone that Wayne Dyer is talking about. We self-sacrifice because it is easier than making decisions. All we have to do is depend on someone else to make decisions for us. He says this is an erroneous zone because when we are dependent we are not taking care of ourselves the way we deserve. Our own opinions matter very much to ourselves. Where I want to eat matters too.
The same goes for a relationship; you are two independent people sharing a life together. Each person is an individual and a relationship will not work if both are dependent on each other; forgetting that at one point in time they were two separate people. The union should be a benefit to each other's lives not a sacrifice. I would like to learn more about dependence. One chapter is just not enough on this erroneous zone. I guess that means this is a big one for me.
What does this independence mean for you? Personally, I rely on my friends and family more than most people. I don't know. I value their opinion but I also may be a little too dependent. If my mom or sister want to go to a certain restaurant I will go along with it even if I don't want to because I am dependent on them liking me and accepting me. This is the irony or erroneous zone that Wayne Dyer is talking about. We self-sacrifice because it is easier than making decisions. All we have to do is depend on someone else to make decisions for us. He says this is an erroneous zone because when we are dependent we are not taking care of ourselves the way we deserve. Our own opinions matter very much to ourselves. Where I want to eat matters too.
The same goes for a relationship; you are two independent people sharing a life together. Each person is an individual and a relationship will not work if both are dependent on each other; forgetting that at one point in time they were two separate people. The union should be a benefit to each other's lives not a sacrifice. I would like to learn more about dependence. One chapter is just not enough on this erroneous zone. I guess that means this is a big one for me.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Day 16 :Putting an end to procrastination-now (Dyer)
Putting an end to procrastination: There's always tomorrow right? What happens if tomorrow is always tomorrow and it never becomes today? Then, what we want to do will not happen unless we find time today to do what we would put off until tomorrow. Dyer says in Your Erroneous Zones that procrastination is an escape from living present moments as fully as possible. Hoping, wishing, and maybe are all rationale for not doing something now. Life does not improve on it's own. It is because you have done something constructive to make it better.
Some typical procrastinating behavior (Dyer):
1. Staying in a job you are unable to grow in.
2. Hanging onto a relationship, hoping it will get better.
3. Not tackling addictions (alcoholism, drugs, pills or smoking). Saying, "I'll quit when I'm ready." but really you are putting it off because you doubt that you can.
4. Putting off menial tasks (cleaning, repairing, lawn work). Hoping if you wait long enough it will get done.
5. Avoiding confrontation although it may improve your relationship or service (ie. a friend, lover, boss, salesman).
A list of things I'm procrastinating on and why:
Refinancing my house - It's scary. Am I getting ripped off? Do I really need to?
Writing my own book - I'm not good enough. I don't have enough wisdom like other author's to write a book.
Exercise - I'm too tired. I'm too busy.
When I do the things I want to do and I don't procrastinate it usually adds to my quality of life. I'll procrastinate cleaning up my apartment, hoping someone else will do it. When I do clean it myself I have a sense of accomplishment and I can put things away how I like it.
When tasks seem hard it's easy to procrastinate because it's the unknown. The unknown is hard because it is the unknown, but all of life is unknown. That's the paradox; we try to control our lives (plan, produce, execute) but we deny the fact that we don't know what tomorrow will bring. Life is a surprise and a risk it's how we handle it. How can I predict my future. I only have right now. And why would I want to predict the future? If I did that I would know exactly where my life is going I wouldn't try as hard; I wouldn't have my own personal self-accomplishment which is what motivates me everyday.
Some typical procrastinating behavior (Dyer):
1. Staying in a job you are unable to grow in.
2. Hanging onto a relationship, hoping it will get better.
3. Not tackling addictions (alcoholism, drugs, pills or smoking). Saying, "I'll quit when I'm ready." but really you are putting it off because you doubt that you can.
4. Putting off menial tasks (cleaning, repairing, lawn work). Hoping if you wait long enough it will get done.
5. Avoiding confrontation although it may improve your relationship or service (ie. a friend, lover, boss, salesman).
A list of things I'm procrastinating on and why:
Refinancing my house - It's scary. Am I getting ripped off? Do I really need to?
Writing my own book - I'm not good enough. I don't have enough wisdom like other author's to write a book.
Exercise - I'm too tired. I'm too busy.
When I do the things I want to do and I don't procrastinate it usually adds to my quality of life. I'll procrastinate cleaning up my apartment, hoping someone else will do it. When I do clean it myself I have a sense of accomplishment and I can put things away how I like it.
When tasks seem hard it's easy to procrastinate because it's the unknown. The unknown is hard because it is the unknown, but all of life is unknown. That's the paradox; we try to control our lives (plan, produce, execute) but we deny the fact that we don't know what tomorrow will bring. Life is a surprise and a risk it's how we handle it. How can I predict my future. I only have right now. And why would I want to predict the future? If I did that I would know exactly where my life is going I wouldn't try as hard; I wouldn't have my own personal self-accomplishment which is what motivates me everyday.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Day 15: The Justice Trap (Ch 8 Dyer)
"Justice does not exist. It never has, and never will." says Wayne Dyer in Your Erroneous Zones. We just need to look at nature to realize this. "Tornadoes, floods, tidal waves, draughts are all unfair." We may say, "It isn't fair." to justify our unhappiness. This is an erroneous zone, when we punish ourselves with negative emotion as we fail to see the justice that we demand.
I live with this erroneous zone. Whenever I think I'm being treated unfairly I get so mad. Last night my friend and I were headed to a bar and they had a $5 cover charge. I thought this was unfair so we didn't go there. Did we miss out on fun? Possibly. One of my friends at work makes more money than me and I feel we are at the same level. I think this is unfair. Or is it? What is unfair to me might actually be fair. Or is fairness even possible?
Dyer says that things aren't fair. To fight an injustice may be admirable but being upset over unfairness is as neurotic as guilt, approval-seeking or any of the other erroneous zones. You can try to fight injustice but it exists everywhere. Realizing that its okay that things are unfair and not be upset over it is a step closer to being happy. Getting riled up only hurts you.
Since I get very upset when things are unfair (in my opinion), I will try to remember that life may be unfair in my eyes but to accept that life has different perspective for every single person. Each one of us gets treated differently and sees themselves treated with their own perspective. What I mean is, I might think it's unfair that the nightclub charges $5 but someone else might think that's a bargain. What's unfair to me is fair to someone else. So, the next time I get upset I will look at the situation through someone else's eyes. I won't get upset because life can't be fair. It's impossible to please everyone. It is possible to not get upset and to see a different perspective than your own. The world isn't out to get me and use me. It's there to be enjoyed and used for all the loving potential it wants to give to us. Are some rules silly? Yes. Can we try to change them? Yes. Should we get upset and unhappy? No.
I live with this erroneous zone. Whenever I think I'm being treated unfairly I get so mad. Last night my friend and I were headed to a bar and they had a $5 cover charge. I thought this was unfair so we didn't go there. Did we miss out on fun? Possibly. One of my friends at work makes more money than me and I feel we are at the same level. I think this is unfair. Or is it? What is unfair to me might actually be fair. Or is fairness even possible?
Dyer says that things aren't fair. To fight an injustice may be admirable but being upset over unfairness is as neurotic as guilt, approval-seeking or any of the other erroneous zones. You can try to fight injustice but it exists everywhere. Realizing that its okay that things are unfair and not be upset over it is a step closer to being happy. Getting riled up only hurts you.
Since I get very upset when things are unfair (in my opinion), I will try to remember that life may be unfair in my eyes but to accept that life has different perspective for every single person. Each one of us gets treated differently and sees themselves treated with their own perspective. What I mean is, I might think it's unfair that the nightclub charges $5 but someone else might think that's a bargain. What's unfair to me is fair to someone else. So, the next time I get upset I will look at the situation through someone else's eyes. I won't get upset because life can't be fair. It's impossible to please everyone. It is possible to not get upset and to see a different perspective than your own. The world isn't out to get me and use me. It's there to be enjoyed and used for all the loving potential it wants to give to us. Are some rules silly? Yes. Can we try to change them? Yes. Should we get upset and unhappy? No.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Day 14: You SHOULD do this! Why? Because I said so.
"The world is full of "shoulds" that people apply to their behavior without evaluation, and the total of these shoulds makes up a very large erroneous zone." states Wayne Dyer in Your Erroneous Zones. Following a set of rules "just because" can be detrimental if it gets in the way of healthy and effective behavior.
Today, my friend said to me, "You should sign up for boot camp." I was a little taken aback, maybe because I had read this chapter. Why "should" I do that because you think it would be good for me or because you think I will be healthier if I did? I already feel like I do my part to be healthy. I didn't feel like I needed anyone to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. Please keep your opinion to yourself. (no hard feelings please)
I know I have said you should to many people; you should try this exercise class; you shouldn't drink so much coffee; you should smile more; you should check out this movie. Why do we feel we should let people know what they should or shouldn't do? Last I checked no one likes to be told what to do. Next time I have a suggestion for someone I will leave it at that, a suggestion.
Today, my friend said to me, "You should sign up for boot camp." I was a little taken aback, maybe because I had read this chapter. Why "should" I do that because you think it would be good for me or because you think I will be healthier if I did? I already feel like I do my part to be healthy. I didn't feel like I needed anyone to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. Please keep your opinion to yourself. (no hard feelings please)
I know I have said you should to many people; you should try this exercise class; you shouldn't drink so much coffee; you should smile more; you should check out this movie. Why do we feel we should let people know what they should or shouldn't do? Last I checked no one likes to be told what to do. Next time I have a suggestion for someone I will leave it at that, a suggestion.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Day 13: Exploring the Unknown - being open to new experiences (Dyer)
From a young age our culture warns us against walking outside the box and discourages wandering into unknown territory. We are taught to listen to our parents, find a stable job, get married....BE SAFE! Dyer says this is a psychological barrier that prevents us from our own personal fulfillment. Many people equate the unknown with danger. I once heard, it's not fear that you are feeling it's excitement!
I've been practicing walking into unknown territory. I said hi to a stranger and had a nice conversation about our dogs. I am volunteering for a Dave Ramsey (financial guru) workshop where I facilitate discussion with a group. I had so much anxiety over this for a whole week before hand. I'm on my 5th week and it's fun and I now know I can do it. I went to a gathering of non-religious, yet spiritual people; very different but I learned a lot. I played a game of bean bag toss on my cruise and won against 14 other people. I was afraid from all the eyes looking at me but I'm glad I challenged myself to do it. If we don't try new things then we get bored. We need change, we need challenge; we are here to grow. Do the opposite of what you are afraid to do. Be courageous!
Some ideas of trying new things (of course you may have already done these but maybe you haven't and fear of the unknown is holding you back): talk to a deaf person, homosexual or a handicapped person, learn a foreign language, introduce yourself to a stranger, go white water rafting, travel, try a new food, wear a different style of clothing, read a different newspaper or magazine topic, watch a different type if movie. Not the same movie with a different title. Do that which you have been wanting to do but have been too afraid to do it. It's not fear, it's excitement!
One last thought, do something new just because you WANT to, Dyer suggests.
I've been practicing walking into unknown territory. I said hi to a stranger and had a nice conversation about our dogs. I am volunteering for a Dave Ramsey (financial guru) workshop where I facilitate discussion with a group. I had so much anxiety over this for a whole week before hand. I'm on my 5th week and it's fun and I now know I can do it. I went to a gathering of non-religious, yet spiritual people; very different but I learned a lot. I played a game of bean bag toss on my cruise and won against 14 other people. I was afraid from all the eyes looking at me but I'm glad I challenged myself to do it. If we don't try new things then we get bored. We need change, we need challenge; we are here to grow. Do the opposite of what you are afraid to do. Be courageous!
Some ideas of trying new things (of course you may have already done these but maybe you haven't and fear of the unknown is holding you back): talk to a deaf person, homosexual or a handicapped person, learn a foreign language, introduce yourself to a stranger, go white water rafting, travel, try a new food, wear a different style of clothing, read a different newspaper or magazine topic, watch a different type if movie. Not the same movie with a different title. Do that which you have been wanting to do but have been too afraid to do it. It's not fear, it's excitement!
One last thought, do something new just because you WANT to, Dyer suggests.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Day 12: The reality of WORRY (Dyer)
Wayne Dyer defines worry as, "being immobilized in the present as a result of things that are going or not going to happen in the future." There isn't any amount of worry that will change anything. Most worry is over things that you cannot control (ie. war, economy, possible illness). When I'm around someone who is coughing or sneezing I worry I will get sick. Most of the time I don't and even if I did it's not the end of the world. Worrying does not bring peace, prosperity or health. Most of the time what we worry about turns out to be less horrible in reality than in your imagination.
I think we have all worried about flying on an airplane. All the worry and anxiety over what could happen if the engine fails, too much turbulence, severe weather or just bad luck and the plane crashes. To eliminate this worry I always think about how many planes fly and the low probability of them crashing; that hundreds of planes are flying right now, safely. I have worried on a whole 7 hour flight from the U.S. to Europe only to find myself land safely. All that worry for nothing. I had no control over the future and I sat in an icky state of worry for 7 hours. My only benefit is that I get to write about it in this blog now.
Some things you might find yourself worrying about: being on time, getting sick, being liked, looking good...Without worry you can still work on all of these things. Worry adds nothing. Why do we worry? One reason is to avoid doing something we don't want to. Wayne gives a great example. He is away from home to write a book which is a difficult task. Instead of writing he let's his mind worry about his daughter back at home (ie. Is she riding her bike on the street instead of the sidewalk where it's safer?) A whole hour goes by. He hasn't started writing a word. He was able to avoid the daunting task of writing thus far. In many other ways worry is an avoidance technique whether it's conscience or not. When you worry ask yourself, "Is there anything that will ever change as a result of my worrying about it?" Well put Mr. Dyer!
Honestly, though, I worry about my relationships. I worry that they won't be perfect and yet I am imperfect. I worry that I'm not good enough or entertaining enough for others to like me, yet they do like me. I worry that if I don't have a good job that I will be looked at as stupid and dependent yet I am still learning and I am dependent. I worry that if I'm not skinny enough I can't be happy yet I am happy regardless of my weight. I worry that if I don't love enough I won't be loved in return...yet I am loved even when I act unloving. When I act out of my worry I am distressed and do the things I wish I wouldn't do. If I don't worry then my life will be exactly the same as if I had worried minus the worrying.
I think we have all worried about flying on an airplane. All the worry and anxiety over what could happen if the engine fails, too much turbulence, severe weather or just bad luck and the plane crashes. To eliminate this worry I always think about how many planes fly and the low probability of them crashing; that hundreds of planes are flying right now, safely. I have worried on a whole 7 hour flight from the U.S. to Europe only to find myself land safely. All that worry for nothing. I had no control over the future and I sat in an icky state of worry for 7 hours. My only benefit is that I get to write about it in this blog now.
Some things you might find yourself worrying about: being on time, getting sick, being liked, looking good...Without worry you can still work on all of these things. Worry adds nothing. Why do we worry? One reason is to avoid doing something we don't want to. Wayne gives a great example. He is away from home to write a book which is a difficult task. Instead of writing he let's his mind worry about his daughter back at home (ie. Is she riding her bike on the street instead of the sidewalk where it's safer?) A whole hour goes by. He hasn't started writing a word. He was able to avoid the daunting task of writing thus far. In many other ways worry is an avoidance technique whether it's conscience or not. When you worry ask yourself, "Is there anything that will ever change as a result of my worrying about it?" Well put Mr. Dyer!
Honestly, though, I worry about my relationships. I worry that they won't be perfect and yet I am imperfect. I worry that I'm not good enough or entertaining enough for others to like me, yet they do like me. I worry that if I don't have a good job that I will be looked at as stupid and dependent yet I am still learning and I am dependent. I worry that if I'm not skinny enough I can't be happy yet I am happy regardless of my weight. I worry that if I don't love enough I won't be loved in return...yet I am loved even when I act unloving. When I act out of my worry I am distressed and do the things I wish I wouldn't do. If I don't worry then my life will be exactly the same as if I had worried minus the worrying.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Day 11: The reality of GUILT (Dyer)
"I'm not talking to you!", "If you loved me...", "Don't come near me, how do you expect me to be loving after what you've done?" are all words to manipulate guilt out of someone, most likely someone you care deeply about. Wayne Dyer, in chapter 5 of Your Erroneous Zones points out that these methods of invoking guilt are only harmful. We use these tactics in hope that the other person will feel guilty enough, coward and admit defeat and do whatever it is you are guilting them into doing. Do you really want to manipulate someone into doing something?
I often have guilt when I feel I have done something against my own moral code such as yelling at someone, not paying enough attention to someone or not being as nice as I could be. I feel so guilty afterward because I should have or could have done better or been better. It eats at me, right in the pit of my stomach and it sucks! The only irony, as Dyer points out, is that "No amount of guilt can ever undo anything." It is an emotion that purely keeps you stuck in the past. You can only feel guilty from something done or not done, in the past. In this present moment, the past is over, gone, finished. Why be stuck in a moment that has passed? Easier said than done Dyer, but thanks for the advice. In all seriousness, he has a great point. The past is in the past; the only choice I can make for myself is right now. If I didn't like something I did then what can I do to remedy that now?
Some things I feel guilty for: yelling at my sister, avoiding co-workers, paying more attention to one person than another. The list is longer but just a few examples here. I guess I'm not perfect yet. I suppose I need to accept where I am in my own character growth; it is a process after all. I know I will still feel guilty for these things but I can certainly try not to be. I can only do so much and I'm a human being with many emotions. The fact is that I did yell (and will again) or wasn't super nice but I do have the choice to be different now. In the past, if and when I yelled it's because I was angry (a real emotion). In the past, when I have cried (a real emotion) it's because I was sad. In the past, when I am quiet because I am tired, mentally or physically, (a real emotion) and didn't pay enough attention to someone it's okay because I was tired. I am real, I have emotions and I don't need to feel guilty for any of these emotions (which I usually do afterward!). Some warped thinking that I should be perfect, loving, sweet, kind and caring at all times (Impossible!). I am progressing every day but I am still human. This I will accept, but sitting here and being guilty for something I chose to act upon in the past is ridiculous and only harming my own progress for growth.
I often have guilt when I feel I have done something against my own moral code such as yelling at someone, not paying enough attention to someone or not being as nice as I could be. I feel so guilty afterward because I should have or could have done better or been better. It eats at me, right in the pit of my stomach and it sucks! The only irony, as Dyer points out, is that "No amount of guilt can ever undo anything." It is an emotion that purely keeps you stuck in the past. You can only feel guilty from something done or not done, in the past. In this present moment, the past is over, gone, finished. Why be stuck in a moment that has passed? Easier said than done Dyer, but thanks for the advice. In all seriousness, he has a great point. The past is in the past; the only choice I can make for myself is right now. If I didn't like something I did then what can I do to remedy that now?
Some things I feel guilty for: yelling at my sister, avoiding co-workers, paying more attention to one person than another. The list is longer but just a few examples here. I guess I'm not perfect yet. I suppose I need to accept where I am in my own character growth; it is a process after all. I know I will still feel guilty for these things but I can certainly try not to be. I can only do so much and I'm a human being with many emotions. The fact is that I did yell (and will again) or wasn't super nice but I do have the choice to be different now. In the past, if and when I yelled it's because I was angry (a real emotion). In the past, when I have cried (a real emotion) it's because I was sad. In the past, when I am quiet because I am tired, mentally or physically, (a real emotion) and didn't pay enough attention to someone it's okay because I was tired. I am real, I have emotions and I don't need to feel guilty for any of these emotions (which I usually do afterward!). Some warped thinking that I should be perfect, loving, sweet, kind and caring at all times (Impossible!). I am progressing every day but I am still human. This I will accept, but sitting here and being guilty for something I chose to act upon in the past is ridiculous and only harming my own progress for growth.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Day 10: Complaining - What's the point? (Dyer)
Complaining - What profit is there?
Wayne Dyer asks two very important questions when it comes to complaining. When you are in a social gathering and people are chatting, watch for the complaints. He asks, "How much of the complaining that went on accomplished anything? Who really cares about all of the things that we bemoaned tonight?" I agree that complaining doesn't accomplish anything except putting people in a bad mood and bringing awareness to people's dislikes. Although, I think our desires and dislikes can be communicated in a healthy way. Instead of complaining, let others know your feelings with a calm, nice attitude and with an open heart seek any advice one might have to resolve the situation.
I have to disagree with the second question, "Who really cares about all of the things that we bemoaned tonight?" I think that the people complaining care about what was "bemoaned" otherwise they wouldn't have brought it up to share with others. I think complaints are a cry for help, venting frustration, and sometimes jealousy. When someone complains, maybe they are feeling frustrated and don't have the answers to solve their issue. I have heard many people complain (including myself) about the amount of cops ticketing on the roads; that they should be solving real crimes instead. I think this is a cry for help because the people feel as if their rights are being violated and they want it to stop. Possibly, with enough complaining something will get done. I'd have to disagree with that last statement. I don't think it matters how much complaining goes on, there are still going to be cops tickets speeders. I do think we can all discuss the issue and come up with a plan of action. Maybe write to the police department or a news station to investigate the fairness of the situation. Another complaint could be caused by jealousy; jealousy of someone's posessions. An example would be, "I think Britney (Spears) is over payed and fat." Is that true? Do you know that's true? Or is that your personal opinion. Maybe you are jealous of her fame, fortune, and all of the attention she gets.
Next time you want to complain, turn it around into a question, discuss calmly, and be open to a plan of action to remedy the issue.
Wayne Dyer asks two very important questions when it comes to complaining. When you are in a social gathering and people are chatting, watch for the complaints. He asks, "How much of the complaining that went on accomplished anything? Who really cares about all of the things that we bemoaned tonight?" I agree that complaining doesn't accomplish anything except putting people in a bad mood and bringing awareness to people's dislikes. Although, I think our desires and dislikes can be communicated in a healthy way. Instead of complaining, let others know your feelings with a calm, nice attitude and with an open heart seek any advice one might have to resolve the situation.
I have to disagree with the second question, "Who really cares about all of the things that we bemoaned tonight?" I think that the people complaining care about what was "bemoaned" otherwise they wouldn't have brought it up to share with others. I think complaints are a cry for help, venting frustration, and sometimes jealousy. When someone complains, maybe they are feeling frustrated and don't have the answers to solve their issue. I have heard many people complain (including myself) about the amount of cops ticketing on the roads; that they should be solving real crimes instead. I think this is a cry for help because the people feel as if their rights are being violated and they want it to stop. Possibly, with enough complaining something will get done. I'd have to disagree with that last statement. I don't think it matters how much complaining goes on, there are still going to be cops tickets speeders. I do think we can all discuss the issue and come up with a plan of action. Maybe write to the police department or a news station to investigate the fairness of the situation. Another complaint could be caused by jealousy; jealousy of someone's posessions. An example would be, "I think Britney (Spears) is over payed and fat." Is that true? Do you know that's true? Or is that your personal opinion. Maybe you are jealous of her fame, fortune, and all of the attention she gets.
Next time you want to complain, turn it around into a question, discuss calmly, and be open to a plan of action to remedy the issue.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Day 9: Breaking free from the past. (Dyer)
How do you describe yourself? Wayne Dyer puts a clever way to reveal how you describe yourself. It's any sentence that you would begin with an "I'm". Some examples: I'm shy. I'm lazy. I'm musical. I'm forgetful. On the positive side: I'm sweet. I'm a good swimmer. I'm kind. Wayne Dyer says that labeling ourselves is negating ourselves. Once we have a label on ourselves, now we must live up to this label and therefore stunting our own potential for growth.
I was raised with the "I'm" that I'm shy. Anyone that knows me wouldn't think so. I don't think so but that's only because I have broken past my own label barrier. I don't like being shy so I push myself to talk in meetings or in front of groups of people. I still am haunted by this I'm but I'm slowly dis-labeling myself and growing into my potential. Last year, I could barely speak in a meeting. Today, my heart still beats fast, my voice gets a little shaky, and my thoughts get a little muddled but I'm at least speaking up. I'm NOT shy. I'm courageous!
I'ms are the result of the use of these 4 Neurotic sentences:
1. "That's me."
2. "I've always been that way."
3. "I can't help it."
4. "That's my nature."
All of these sentences (self-labels) are the rational why one will never be differerent or even consider changing. You are saying, "And I intend to continue being the way I've always been."
If I were to label myself it would be with the highest labeling I know. I'm loving. I'm peaceful. I'm truthful. I'm knowledgeable. I'm trusting. I'm patient. I'm humble. I'm joyful. I'm thankful. Just by labeling myself these I want to live up to these I'ms. In the same way of the limiting I'ms (ie. I'm shy) make me feel I need to live to it. Try it out. What I'ms do you have on yourself? Which I'ms would you like to have for yourself?
I was raised with the "I'm" that I'm shy. Anyone that knows me wouldn't think so. I don't think so but that's only because I have broken past my own label barrier. I don't like being shy so I push myself to talk in meetings or in front of groups of people. I still am haunted by this I'm but I'm slowly dis-labeling myself and growing into my potential. Last year, I could barely speak in a meeting. Today, my heart still beats fast, my voice gets a little shaky, and my thoughts get a little muddled but I'm at least speaking up. I'm NOT shy. I'm courageous!
I'ms are the result of the use of these 4 Neurotic sentences:
1. "That's me."
2. "I've always been that way."
3. "I can't help it."
4. "That's my nature."
All of these sentences (self-labels) are the rational why one will never be differerent or even consider changing. You are saying, "And I intend to continue being the way I've always been."
If I were to label myself it would be with the highest labeling I know. I'm loving. I'm peaceful. I'm truthful. I'm knowledgeable. I'm trusting. I'm patient. I'm humble. I'm joyful. I'm thankful. Just by labeling myself these I want to live up to these I'ms. In the same way of the limiting I'ms (ie. I'm shy) make me feel I need to live to it. Try it out. What I'ms do you have on yourself? Which I'ms would you like to have for yourself?
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Day 8: How to deal with disapproval. (Dyer)
How to deal with disapproval and stop seeking approval from others because you are worthy without anyone's approval: (Wayne Dyer in Your Erroneous Zones)
1. "Generally I would shift my position now in order to get you to like me, but I really believe in what I said, and you'll have to deal with your own feelings about it."
2. Thank them for providing data to help you fulfill your growth, "Thank you for pointing that out." rather than changing your behavior to suit them.
3. Tell yourself it's ok for the other person to have their opinion. It does not affect your own self-worth or approval seeking needs.
4. Ignore disapproval. Simply say, "ok" after a tyriad from someone toward you. Don't feed into their disapproval.
5. Talk to yourself when encountered with disapproval. "This is her stuff. It has nothing to do with me." Disconnect her feelings with your thoughts.
6. Ask this question, "If they agreed with me, would I be better off?" Their opinion of you should not have an effect unless you let it.
7. Trust yourself. When buying clothes or something personal skip on checking with someone else whose opinion you value more than your own. Buy it if you like it (and if it's in your budget).
Everyone is different. We all have different experiences and have different perspectives. It's fun to hear people's opinions and ideas but they don't have to be yours.
I was in a meeting with co-workers and they were complaining about the iPhone and then the cafeteria food at work. Both times I decided to test out my new skills. To both complaints I made a positive comment. This is different than my usual self of agreeing with everyone. It was actually ok. The people were respondent back to me (probably seeking approval themselves from my opinion). It's funny because after my two non approval seeking comments I said a complaint. I made a complaining comment about the brand of someone's computer. It's as if I had to say a complaint so I could have my approval from the group since I had just made two non approval seeking comments. Wayne Dyer says this is a habit and habits can be changed. Keep practicing. LOL!
1. "Generally I would shift my position now in order to get you to like me, but I really believe in what I said, and you'll have to deal with your own feelings about it."
2. Thank them for providing data to help you fulfill your growth, "Thank you for pointing that out." rather than changing your behavior to suit them.
3. Tell yourself it's ok for the other person to have their opinion. It does not affect your own self-worth or approval seeking needs.
4. Ignore disapproval. Simply say, "ok" after a tyriad from someone toward you. Don't feed into their disapproval.
5. Talk to yourself when encountered with disapproval. "This is her stuff. It has nothing to do with me." Disconnect her feelings with your thoughts.
6. Ask this question, "If they agreed with me, would I be better off?" Their opinion of you should not have an effect unless you let it.
7. Trust yourself. When buying clothes or something personal skip on checking with someone else whose opinion you value more than your own. Buy it if you like it (and if it's in your budget).
Everyone is different. We all have different experiences and have different perspectives. It's fun to hear people's opinions and ideas but they don't have to be yours.
I was in a meeting with co-workers and they were complaining about the iPhone and then the cafeteria food at work. Both times I decided to test out my new skills. To both complaints I made a positive comment. This is different than my usual self of agreeing with everyone. It was actually ok. The people were respondent back to me (probably seeking approval themselves from my opinion). It's funny because after my two non approval seeking comments I said a complaint. I made a complaining comment about the brand of someone's computer. It's as if I had to say a complaint so I could have my approval from the group since I had just made two non approval seeking comments. Wayne Dyer says this is a habit and habits can be changed. Keep practicing. LOL!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Day 7: You don't need their approval (Dyer)
You don't need their approval! Surprised? Wayne Dyer, in Your Erroneous Zones explains that approval-seeking is a desire rather than a necessity. It is only an erroneous zone when it becomes a need rather than a want. Everyone enjoys applause, compliments and praise. It is self-destructive when you depend on someone's opinion of you for your self-worth. You are worthy regardless of another's opinion of you or your accomplishments.
I know I fall prey to approval-seeking. I find myself saying one thing, finding that no one agrees or partially agrees and then I change my stance just a little to get an approval from them. In the past if I knew my friend is religious and they asked me what I did for the weekend. I would leave out the part about drinking just so I know they will approve of my activities and like me. This is hypocritical and I've come along way since I used to do this. Now, I'm open with my weekend activities because I am not seeking approval and I am content with my actions.
This morning I was discussing when I swam with the stingrays in Grand Cayman with a manager at work. He had done it too. He asked if I fed them. I said I was too scared to do that. He said, "oh come on." I said, "ok, next time I will." I was seeking approval and agreeing to something that I don't want to do. Am I now obligated to do something I don't want to do because I was seeking approval? When I do this approval-seeking, I am making the opinions of others more important than my own. It sounds like I'm denying myself. I don't like that. Time to change. Why? Because dog gone it, I'm worth it.
I know I fall prey to approval-seeking. I find myself saying one thing, finding that no one agrees or partially agrees and then I change my stance just a little to get an approval from them. In the past if I knew my friend is religious and they asked me what I did for the weekend. I would leave out the part about drinking just so I know they will approve of my activities and like me. This is hypocritical and I've come along way since I used to do this. Now, I'm open with my weekend activities because I am not seeking approval and I am content with my actions.
This morning I was discussing when I swam with the stingrays in Grand Cayman with a manager at work. He had done it too. He asked if I fed them. I said I was too scared to do that. He said, "oh come on." I said, "ok, next time I will." I was seeking approval and agreeing to something that I don't want to do. Am I now obligated to do something I don't want to do because I was seeking approval? When I do this approval-seeking, I am making the opinions of others more important than my own. It sounds like I'm denying myself. I don't like that. Time to change. Why? Because dog gone it, I'm worth it.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Day 6: Heart Virtue (Greg Mooers)
I went to a self-help workshop, Unlock Your Heart Virtue, by Greg Mooers. Your heart virtue has been with you since you were a child and it is what drives you daily in all of your actions. It is fulfilled when you get goosebumps from something you heard or watched in a movie. Oppositely, when they are violated this is when you get enraged. After a few exercises I found out that I am committed to harmony, respect and equality and I totally am! One night, on the cruise, at the dinner table, there wasn't harmonious conversation so I felt that I needed to contribute. I asked everyone what their favorite movie was. This way, equally, everyone most likely has a favorite movie. Respectfully, we all shared (not one person was left out). Harmoniously, we all enjoyed the conversation. Phew, all was well in my world.
I am committed to harmony, respect and equality. This is the whole basis of why I get goosebumps when I watch the scene at the end of The Notebook when Noah and Allie are dancing together in the end. They are in harmony with each other. They have been through a lot; they respect each other and treat each other as equals. I am committed to harmony, respect and equality. This is why when Nate made the comment that he dislikes when television shows prey on women's emotions I got so upset. He just made a comment, afterall, about his dislike in tv producers manipulating viewers to buy into what they are selling. A legitimate comment in hindsight but I was enraged because I felt he wasn't respecting women and not treating them as equals. Why aren't tv shows preying on men's emotions? Why only women's? I felt harmony was being threatened by his comment.
I am so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and went to this workshop to figure out my heart virtue. Now I know why I do certain things and why I get so mad at certain times. I also know I can fall back on my heart virtues when I am upset. If someone is complaining (something I don't like to hear) I can say, "I am committed to harmony." That's it. Since I am committed to this I am saying that I don't want to hear any complaining. This way I am protecting myself from getting enraged. I am loving myself.
We all have different heart virtues. If you want to find out yours you can check out Greg Mooers book, Unlock Your Heart Virtue at http://www.bridge2bliss.com/products.html or you can ask me to walk you through finding yours. We can do it through email. It's easy and worth it.
I will continue to read chapter 3 from Wayne Dyer's book, Your Erroneous Zones. I really wanted to share my findings from this weekend because I am so excited about my discovery of my heart virtues and I hope you want to find out yours too!
I am committed to harmony, respect and equality. This is the whole basis of why I get goosebumps when I watch the scene at the end of The Notebook when Noah and Allie are dancing together in the end. They are in harmony with each other. They have been through a lot; they respect each other and treat each other as equals. I am committed to harmony, respect and equality. This is why when Nate made the comment that he dislikes when television shows prey on women's emotions I got so upset. He just made a comment, afterall, about his dislike in tv producers manipulating viewers to buy into what they are selling. A legitimate comment in hindsight but I was enraged because I felt he wasn't respecting women and not treating them as equals. Why aren't tv shows preying on men's emotions? Why only women's? I felt harmony was being threatened by his comment.
I am so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and went to this workshop to figure out my heart virtue. Now I know why I do certain things and why I get so mad at certain times. I also know I can fall back on my heart virtues when I am upset. If someone is complaining (something I don't like to hear) I can say, "I am committed to harmony." That's it. Since I am committed to this I am saying that I don't want to hear any complaining. This way I am protecting myself from getting enraged. I am loving myself.
We all have different heart virtues. If you want to find out yours you can check out Greg Mooers book, Unlock Your Heart Virtue at http://www.bridge2bliss.com/products.html or you can ask me to walk you through finding yours. We can do it through email. It's easy and worth it.
I will continue to read chapter 3 from Wayne Dyer's book, Your Erroneous Zones. I really wanted to share my findings from this weekend because I am so excited about my discovery of my heart virtues and I hope you want to find out yours too!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Day 5: Love yourself (Dyer)
In chapter 2 of Wayne Dyer's book, Your Erroneous Zones he explains that in order to achieve present-moment happiness you must learn to love yourself. This was easy to do when you were a child but growing up you are taught that it is selfish and that 'good' people think of others before themselves. Although, it is very important to love yourself. "Giving love to others is directly related to how much love you have for yourself."
He gives an example of a definition of love which is, "The ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you." Once you allow yourself and accept yourself then you won't need to have other's reinforce your value. And if you don't need that then you can be happy in the present-moment, all on your own.
Today, I went through a soft tissue graft. I did it because I love myself. Some people thought I didn't need it or I could wait longer although the dentist and periodontist thought I should get it, the sooner the better. I could have waited longer. I could have had a whole weekend of fun instead of sitting on the couch but I love myself. I knew that this surgery would give me more health and happiness. So, I decided one weekend sacrificed was worth every minute for myself. That just feels good...to love me.
An exercise I started a few days ago: Say, "I love you, Charissa (your name)." At first it sounds strange, almost like it's not right but I'm glad I started saying it. I hear a lot of friends say they put themselves last and their friends and family first. There is always a time for self-sacrifice but to what extent is it okay? You can only love others as much as you love yourself. So, if we love ourselves a lot then we can love others a lot too which makes both parties happy. Start doing today for yourself what you do for others.
He gives an example of a definition of love which is, "The ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you." Once you allow yourself and accept yourself then you won't need to have other's reinforce your value. And if you don't need that then you can be happy in the present-moment, all on your own.
Today, I went through a soft tissue graft. I did it because I love myself. Some people thought I didn't need it or I could wait longer although the dentist and periodontist thought I should get it, the sooner the better. I could have waited longer. I could have had a whole weekend of fun instead of sitting on the couch but I love myself. I knew that this surgery would give me more health and happiness. So, I decided one weekend sacrificed was worth every minute for myself. That just feels good...to love me.
An exercise I started a few days ago: Say, "I love you, Charissa (your name)." At first it sounds strange, almost like it's not right but I'm glad I started saying it. I hear a lot of friends say they put themselves last and their friends and family first. There is always a time for self-sacrifice but to what extent is it okay? You can only love others as much as you love yourself. So, if we love ourselves a lot then we can love others a lot too which makes both parties happy. Start doing today for yourself what you do for others.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Day 4: You can control your feelings (Dyer)
Wayne Dyer in Your Erroneous Zones says human intelligence should be measured on how capable one is to maintaining happiness during stressful or trying situations. It should not be measured in the ability to solve a problem but how one deals with it. Furthermore, he explains that we can control our feelings. They don't just happen to us. Feelings are reactions we choose to have. If I can control my thoughts and my feelings come from my thoughts, then I can control my feelings.
I've been observing my thoughts the last day now. This morning on my 45 minute ride to work I noticed I was thinking about what I was going to pick up from the grocery store during my lunch hour plus other unimportant things. I realized I can change my thoughts, in this moment, to make the best out of this situation. So, I started by saying all the things that I am thankful for. It was early in the morning so it started out like this, "I'm thankful for this car, my vision, my teeth, my legs..." Then, it started getting more serious, "I'm thankful for my mom and how much she cares for me and strives to be a better person every day (something I admire), my sister for her strength and how she is influencing young kids every day in school, my boyfriend for how loving he is to me and how diligent he is to his career, my dad for giving so much of himself to all of his Chiropractic patients" and all the important people in my life. I felt instantly happy and aware of all the blessings in my life. I changed a mundane car ride into a revelation of blessings.
Our thoughts influence our feelings. Thinking about what I'm thankful for made me feel happy instead of thinking of unimportant or negative things. I think that there is always a way to look at the brighter side of any situation and give yourself good feelings to override any bad ones. I have to go to work everyday but I'm thankful I have a paying job. My dad passed away but I'm thankful I had him for 21 years and that he lived his life fully. I am getting oral surgery tomorrow but I'm thankful the technology exists. On and on I can go. It just feels good to look at the brighter side of things. I can control my thoughts. Wayne Dyer says if you can control your thoughts then you can control your feelings because feelings are the results of our thoughts.
A quick side note: If I can change my thoughts this easily to be more positive then I can also help other people's thoughts by encouraging them, giving them compliments or just saying positive things. Someone was complaining about the snow storm we are expecting and I said, "At least it will be one less snow storm before warm weather." We both thought this was a positive way to look at the situation and we both felt happy about this new positive thought.
I've been observing my thoughts the last day now. This morning on my 45 minute ride to work I noticed I was thinking about what I was going to pick up from the grocery store during my lunch hour plus other unimportant things. I realized I can change my thoughts, in this moment, to make the best out of this situation. So, I started by saying all the things that I am thankful for. It was early in the morning so it started out like this, "I'm thankful for this car, my vision, my teeth, my legs..." Then, it started getting more serious, "I'm thankful for my mom and how much she cares for me and strives to be a better person every day (something I admire), my sister for her strength and how she is influencing young kids every day in school, my boyfriend for how loving he is to me and how diligent he is to his career, my dad for giving so much of himself to all of his Chiropractic patients" and all the important people in my life. I felt instantly happy and aware of all the blessings in my life. I changed a mundane car ride into a revelation of blessings.
Our thoughts influence our feelings. Thinking about what I'm thankful for made me feel happy instead of thinking of unimportant or negative things. I think that there is always a way to look at the brighter side of any situation and give yourself good feelings to override any bad ones. I have to go to work everyday but I'm thankful I have a paying job. My dad passed away but I'm thankful I had him for 21 years and that he lived his life fully. I am getting oral surgery tomorrow but I'm thankful the technology exists. On and on I can go. It just feels good to look at the brighter side of things. I can control my thoughts. Wayne Dyer says if you can control your thoughts then you can control your feelings because feelings are the results of our thoughts.
A quick side note: If I can change my thoughts this easily to be more positive then I can also help other people's thoughts by encouraging them, giving them compliments or just saying positive things. Someone was complaining about the snow storm we are expecting and I said, "At least it will be one less snow storm before warm weather." We both thought this was a positive way to look at the situation and we both felt happy about this new positive thought.
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