Day 6: The Power of Process (Ford, Shadow)

    Ford speaks in her book about realizing our stories and who we claim to be in order to step out of our story and into who we really are.  Also, she says that our stories have the key to revealing our life's purpose.  We created our stories for a reason.  That is to learn the particular stories that we need to learn in order to deliver our unique contribution to the world.
    How can we find the gift inside the pain?  Ford tells the story of when she was younger she was very skinny.  She hated how she looked and would try to cover up her skinniness by wearing two pairs of pants and poofing her hair.  She realizes now that because of this painful experience she learned a lot about fashion which in her older years helped with her career as a media trainer and image consultant.  Instead of resenting her thinness she was able to embrace the grace and agility of her body.  Ford says that, "Embracing the pain of my past allowed me to transcend the limitations of my story and gave me access to more joy in my life."
     What incident or event from your past is still causing you pain, anger and regret?  I asked myself this question and I was reminded of when my dad was taking care of a boy named Andrew and myself.  He kept playing with Andrew and giving him more attention then I liked.  I felt neglected and not good enough.  I used to get really jealous when a boyfriend or mom/sister would talk to someone else longer then I liked.  Working through this issue I asked myself what my life would be like if I didn't live inside this story.  I realized that I am still just as important as I was before they were paying attention to the other person.  I am still loved the same.  I don't need to live within that story anymore.  What story can you move out of?

Day 5: Reclaiming your power (Ford, Shadow)

     How are you a victim?  Ford says that most of us have gathered strong evidence to validate our perception that we are victims of life. Either we are victims of ourselves or of others and then we are left powerless. The only way to be rid of this victim mentality is by taking responsibility for the way our life is.  We need to let go of blaming others for the way our life is and realize that we have the choice and power to have the life we want. In any situation that you are a victim there is also a blessing in it.  Ford suggests that we look at the blessing instead of being a victim. 
     Forgiving our parents is crucial to getting out from being a victim.  When my parents got a divorce I built up my own resentment toward "happy marriages."  Could they really exist?  I would question.  My thinking was that "Why would anyone want to get married when it just ends in divorce?"  In each relationship when things were going good I would self-sabotage the relationship so I wouldn't have to get to the point of getting married and then divorced.  Whenever I got too close to someone I would begin picking fights and "ruining" the relationship.  In other words I was sticking to my story and being a victim.  The blessing in their divorce was that I didn't have to be around my parent's fighting anymore and that they were able to move forward with their lives and be happier.
    Each of our upbringings were just the right combination to teach us the lessons we needed to learn.  Ford says that, "When we have let go of our right to be victim, we will understand that we had the perfect parents who taught us the perfect lessons."   Reclaim your power by not being a victim and by taking responsibility for your reality.

    

Day 4: Why you hold on to your story (Ford, Shadow)

     "Our fear of change, our fear of stepping into new realities, is so deep that we desperately cling to the world we know."  says Ford about why we continue to hold on to our story.  This story as explained before is your inner dialogue.  It could be, "I'm unimportant."  I'm not perfect." and so on.  It is whatever is holding you back from being your fully magnificent self.
     She explains that what is holding us back is our own resistance of who we are.  That we need to accept our full selves (the good and the bad) before we can begin to heal.  Our internal resistance says, "It shouldn't be like this."  In the past when Nate and I were having a rough week I would say this in my head but the more I said it the more it was exactly that, a rough week.  It is because I was focusing all my energy on trying to change the reality of a rough week instead of focusing on the good things of the week.

Day 3: Exploring the Great and Mysterious Story of You (Ford, Shadow)

     We each have a story.  Your story is not bad but it is limiting.  It disallows you to access your entire self says Ford.  It is important to find out what your story is, this way you can make peace with it, extract it's vital ingredients, step out of the smallness and into the fulfillment of your greatest dreams.
     When I was 8 years old and living in California.  My house was up for sell.  My mom had picked me up from school which got out a few hours before my sister's school.  She left me home alone for about 10 minutes while she picked up my sister.  Our house was up for sale and there was a lock box on the door for realtors to get in.  I remember playing on the ground level when I started to hear the door being unlocked.  (Usually my mom would enter in through the garage.)  I became very scared and ran upstairs to my parent's closet.  I could hear voices downstairs as I hid in the closet.  Several minutes later my mom and sister came home.  I was relieved.  I found out it was a realtor showing some potential buyers.  This is the moment a part of my story was created.  I thought, "I'm not important enough for my mother to have told me that a realtor could come into the house."  Basically, that "I'm not important enough."  To this day I am usually the one to ask other people questions about themselves and to self-sacrifice my own desires for others.  My belief is that I'm not important enough.  I even go out of my way in my relationship to show how important I am.  I make most of our social events, cook dinner, do laundry, try to make him laugh, spend time with him while sacrificing my time.  Basically, showing my importance.  It doesn't mean my actions are not genuine but I can see how my story has influenced my actions as an adult.
     From my story you can tell that my shadow belief is that "I'm not important."  What is your's?   I'm not good enough.  I don't matter.  There is something wrong with me.  Nobody likes me.  I don't belong.  Something's wrong with me.  I'm too stupid.  I'm incompetent.  I'm unwanted.  I'm not enough.  I'm a doormat.  I'm not special.  I'm unworthy.  I'm undeserving.  I don't matter.  I'm unimportant.  I'm inappropriate.  I'm inadequate.  I'm insignificant, Everything is fine...
     As Ford puts it, "We stepped out of the world of infinite possibility and stepped into the world of our own limited reality.  This is where our troubles began and our limitations originated."  We have all taken on a shadow belief.  We live up to our shadow belief in our everyday lives.  What is your shadow belief and what do you do to prove it to yourself and others?

Day 2: Your Unique Recipe (Debbie Ford, The Secret of the Shadow)

     Have you ever wondered why you were born in America instead of Africa?  Or why you were born into a middle-class family instead of riches?  Debbie Ford in The Secret of the Shadow explains that we are made up of unique ingredients to make a recipe called "you."  It is this recipe that the universe has dealt all the right cards for us to develop and become the whole that we need to be in order to fulfill our purpose.  Every experience including your status in life, your race, your height, your physical health all make up the ingredients for you.
     This perfect recipe that is your life's purpose must include the good and the bad.  A perfect cake doesn't only include sweet sugar but also salt.  In order to make "you," every ingredient needs to be presetn including experiences of weakness and strength, fear and courage, success and failure says Ford.
     Even though our circumstances may not be the most desirable (divorce, abuse as a child, death...) they are still apart of our recipe and can be used for ultimate good and your purpose.  Ford notes that John Walsh, the host of America's Most Wanted did just that.  "After his six-year-old son, Adam, was murdered, John became an advocate for victim's rights and brought awareness to a subject that had for years been buried in the dark.  Unwilling to allow his child to die in vain, John turned his anger into action and extablished a national program to incarcerate tens of thousands of criminals and sex offenders."  He could have let his grief swallow him up and his purpose but instead he chose different and has made a huge contribution to this world.

      What is your unique recipe and what is it aiding you in toward your purpose?

Day 1: You and Your Story (Debbie Ford, The Secret of the Shadow)

     We all have a story.  One that we created in our younger years.  It is a story that we believe to be true and will prove it to ourselves and others that it is no matter the cost.  When I was younger I always felt like I would be someone of high importance, a princess or a famous singer when I grew up.  I felt it deep down.  As time passed someone cast a shadow on my light.  This person led me to believe that my light wasn't any good in this world.  Who was I to believe that I could be a princess or a singer?  That you can't just grow up to be what you want to be, to have your light shine.  So I decided to hide my light so no one could take it away.  Further, I decided to be the opposite of my light and I began to act rebellious.  This way no one could take it away.  Eventually, I convinced myself that I was this rebel, forgetting about my light and my story.  At this moment I felt lost and I knew something was missing.  I began to search for this light in relationships, through shopping, achievements.  But everywhere I looked I came up empty.  Does this sound familiar to you?  This is when I decided to go inside to learn about my story and rediscover my light.

     Debbie Ford in The Secret of the Shadow explains to us that when she discovered that we all have a story including herself that she was determined to understand why she had created this story and what purpose it served.  There are three important things Debbie learned; our stories hold the key to our unique purpose in life; hidden in the shadow of our story is a very special secret;  once the secret is unveiled, we will stand in awe of the magnificence of our own humanity.

     Our stories do have a purpose.  They may set our limitations but they also help define who we are so we don't feel completely lost in this world, says Ford.  By sticking to our story we know the outcomes, we know how to behave.  Our stories draw clear boundaries between ourselves and others.  We act as if we are separate beings even though we all want to belong.  It's a paradox.  With all good stories there is a personal drama that repeats itself.  A close girlfriend of mine blames herself for not saving her parent's marriage when she was 7 years old.  Now, in every relationship she self-sabotages (by pushing away her loved one when things are good) her relationships because she feels unworthy to have a good one when she couldn't save her parent's.  She is sticking to her story.  The story that she believes defines her.  What's your story? 

Day 31: Discipline Yourself to Celebrate (Joyce Meyer, Eat the Cookie...)

    This book has been an inspiration to lighten up and enjoy life much more.  Life has it's challenges and we must celebrate our progress and accomplishments along the way, regardless of how small they are.  Life doesn't need to be so intense.  It should be pleasurable.  When we discipline ourselves to celebrate then the harder things in life won't be so difficult.  In other words, celebrate so much that it outweighs any hardship.  Therefore, overshadowing the hard times.

1.   Make room for something that you enjoy everyday.  Today, I took myself out for sushi because I was celebrating the day.  It felt great.

2.  Reward yourself for progress.  I'm trying to cut out meat from my diet for 6 of the 7 days of the week.  After the 6 days I will reward myself with a yummy hamburger.

3.  Balance your discipline.  I like to go out and have fun but I also work hard.  I usually make sure to put in my 40 hours at work and then leave so I can have balance in my life.

Stay tuned for Debbie Ford whom is an inspirational self-help guru.  She helps people to discover their not so good side and to embrace it for good.

Day 30: Celebrate Discipline (Joyce Meyer, Eat the Cookie..)

     Joyce pointedly remarks that in order to ensure our soul gets a rest then we need to be disciplined to remember to trust in our higher power and do our best but without worry, stubbornness or being upset.  We need to choose to celebrate, party, eat cookies and buy shoes. With discipline we can be who we want to be and do what we say we will do.  In reality we are disciplined in every aspect of our life that is going the way we want it to. Let's say you are making good money at your job, then you are probably disciplined by working hard. Or the opposite, you wish you weighed less and you lack discipline in the way you eat and exercise.  These are two good examples of being disciplined and not being disciplined.  Joyce warns about being extreme with our self-discipline.  Let's say you are so dedicated to work that you neglect your children.  Or you are so disciplined in what you eat and how much you exercise that you exhaust your time and emotional well being.  The point is that discipline needs to aid you in your growth, not hinder it.  It needs balance.
     Joyce asks about discipline, "Do you see it as something that controls you, or something that helps you control yourself?"  Notice it is because of your discipline that you should celebrate.  Because you ate so good this last week, have one cookie (yes only one)!  Because you saved money and cooked at home all week, 
celebrate with an outing.

Day 29: The power of trust

      Joyce has talked about how she believes in a God full of compassion and love. She explains that God is our ultimate source to reprieve ourselves of anything that is tormenting us.  To trust that He is the higher power and through Him we can have rest because we trust that He is taking care of us even if we don't know how.  You know how sometimes you don't know how a problem is going to get solved, you give up, and then "wala" it's solved?  That is the power of God working in your life. 
 

Day 28: How do you respond to your circumstances? (Joyce Meyer, Eat the Cookie...)

     "How do you respond to your circumstances?" asks Joyce in Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoe.  Last year, when our economy wasn't doing well and businesses were laying off many employees one coworker decided to make the best of it.  Once he was laid off he began searching for a new job right away.  He was optimistic had a good attitude and found a job quickly.  While another friend of mine went into a deep depression and is still unemployed a whole year later! Our priority should be the best we can be, have rest in our souls and let God do the rest.

Day 27: Give Your Soul a Vacation (Joyce, Eat the Cookie...)

     Joyce says that the soul is your mind, will and emotions. These are very important parts of your whole being.  When you go on vacation do you also take a break from worries and emotional stress?  Lately, I have been having anxiety about my new job. Will I be good enough? Then, I'm reminded to lean on my higher power and trust. I can only do my best and however it turns out I will be able to handle whatever comes.  There is no point of being stressed about something when I'm doing my best. 
     Another reason to rest your soul is because when you are not rested you can become cranky. I know after a hard day at work that I can be cranky when I get home. After several minutes of "unwinding" I return to my normal self. But only after my soul has rested. If I'm able to rest before I talk to anyone then that hopefully would stop any fighting or non niceness toward a loved one.  If I do happen to snap at someone then that one action can determine the next few hours of possible torturous fighting.  Ugh!  It's never worth the one snide comment when you are tired but it happens.  Then, you have to pay for it.  I will try to stay quiet until I have gotten enough rest in my soul to be pleasant to others.

Day 26: Celebrate You (Joyce, Eat the Cookie...)

     We are all special and deserve to be celebrated.  Joyce asks, in Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoe, what is your attitude toward yourself? And are you worth a celebration?  Joyce points out that God is smiling over us. Instead of being angry or upset with us He is delighting in our progress.  As humans it is our destiny to make progress in everything we do. That's why it feels good to do well at work or when you get a good grade in class or when you are able to purchase something nice for yourself. This is all progress of your hard efforts.
    Joyce has a large presence in the non-denominational Christian world.  She believes that God celebrates us and is a positive, loving God.  Other non-religious speakers say Source or higher power. They have this in common that they believe God (source, higher power) is cheering us on to make progress, to be better and to continue growing. Joyce says, "For some reason religion has taught people that to be godly they must have a low, or even bad, opinion of themselves, and I believe this kind if thinking has done incalculable damage to the plan of God."  I like this thinking. God wants us to look at our progress and not get down on ourselves. If we believe that we were created by source then we should know as a parent wants their child to succeed that source also wants the same thing for his creation (us). Forget past "mistakes and regrets" and rejoice in your progress instead.
    The reason it is important to think positive about yourself Joyce says is because, "We are all limited by our own thinking. If we think small, we will live small. If we think big, we will live big."  I've wondered about famous singers compared to non famous singers. I recently saw a singer who sang just like Celine Dion and even looked like her. How come Celine made it big and she hasn't? Did Celine dream bigger? Has this other singer just not made it yet but she is on her way? Or were her dreams just not that big?  We can only achieve as big as our dreams. I imagined being a woman engineer working for a large high tech company. It seemed unlikely but I am!  Could I have dreamed bigger?  I still can. What are your dreams? Are they big enough?  Let's turn our dreams into reality. This is our destiny!

Day 25: Celebrate Who You Are and What You Have (Joyce, Eat the Cookie...)

     "Are you in the habit of looking at what you are not and what you don't have, or have you trained yourself to see who you are, what you can do, and the resources you currently have available?" Joyce asks in Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoe.

     At times I have gotten jealous of a friend that is skinnier or a famous actor who is uber wealthy.  Sometimes, it can be hard not to want to have those things.  They have a beautiful figure or things that I would also like to have.  It's easy to forget everything that I do have.  Joyce is reminding us to be thankful and celebrate who we are and what we have right now.  I may want a nicer apartment downtown or fancier clothes but I already do have a nice apartment and nice clothes.  I can always have better but it's not like I'm living in the dumps of wearing sloppy clothing.  I'm also not a size 10 but a size 2.  I should be happy with that and celebrate.  It's like there is this other devilish side that is making us look at who we are not and what we don't have.  I have a lot to be thankful for.  What about you? 

Day 24: A Time to Remember (Joyce Meyer - Eat the Cookie...)

     In Nate's birthday card to me he made a list of reasons he liked me.  It was sweet and hilarious. He mentioned past memories of things I have said or done and things we have done together. It was special. 
Joyce speaks of continuing to do these things every time we celebrate. 
     Remembering the past is good for the spirit and is a way of bonding with each other by remembering what we have gone through together. If it's with a loved one it can rekindle passion and respect.  If it's with a mom or dad then it can strengthen the special bond between the two of you. Lastly, if it's with a friend then good feelings of trust can be reminded, strengthening your friendship.  Joyce says that, "If we don't know where we came from we usually don't know what direction to take as we go forward. If our history was good we can repeat it and if it was bad then we can avoid repeating it.  History, good or bad, is all educational."  Knowing our history and our friend's history helps us to understand each other better!  As Joyce's son would say, "Lets tell stories!"

Day 23: Celebrate through Giving (Joyce Meyer - Eat the Cookie...)

     In Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoes, Joyce says to have an attitude of gratitude.  Your attitude shows a lot about your character as well as about other people's character. There is no good from an attitude of entitlement.  When something good happens (ie. progress in anything) be grateful for it.  Joyce reminds us to look at how far we have come in reaching a goal and not how much farther we have to go. Celebrate the progress.
     When we do have progress we can celebrate by giving to others. It always feels good to give to the poor or take a friend out to lunch.  It's a treat for them and for you. Another way is to show appreciation. A "thank you" is nice but there are other ways to show your thankfulness. Try doing something nice for that person or praising their good works in front of others.  To close, Joyce says "Giving brings joy to us and is a blessing to others."

Day 22: Celebrate your Progress (Joyce Meyer, Eat the Cookie...)

     Celebration strengthens us remarks Joyce in Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoes.  She goes on to ask us some questions; Do you celebrate when your child stands for the first time or when your dog does a trick right?  What about celebrating yourself and your progress?  Did you wake up early and go exercise this morning?  Did you eat healthy all day?  Did you drink your recommended 8 glasses of water?  Woohoo if you did! Let's celebrate!
      When I was in my early 20's and I got mad about something.  I would get extremely mad to were I was irrational.  Now I am able to contain myself more.  This is progress.  I've matured to not get so upset about things.  Progress!
      Hopefully, we all progress everyday. We are probably less selfish, mean, angry, and more patient, loving and kind today than yesterday.  If this is what we work on.  Or you may be more efficient in your job role then when you first started out. The fact is as humans we progress, it's in our nature and it feels great.  Keep it up! What else would you like to progress in?
    Find ways of celebrating your progress instead of mourning excessively over your mistakes, says Joyce.  I get nervous speaking in a meeting at work with a lot of people. I've been pushing myself for the last couple of years to speak regardless of how many butterflies are in my stomach and light my head gets.  Sometimes I think what I have just said came out confusing and that I could of said it better once I thought it through.  Instead of getting down on myself I quietly celebrate that I spoke and congratulate myself for speaking.  Don't get down on yourself, look at the bright side of the situation and celebrate that!

Day 21: God likes a party

     Many celebrations take the form of a party.  We celebrated my sisters 33rd birthday last week with a party. A group of us friends got together, ate and talked outside by the bbq.  It was loads of fun and we were honoring her birthday!  Joyce points out that our source, God, wants us to celebrate and party.  Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine so the party they were at would not stop.  Every mundane daily task can be a party.  It's all about attitude.
     For example, I'm at work right now.  I have many large technical text books to read.  Doesn't sound like much fun, right?  In order to have a good attitude and celebrate that I have a new job and that I need to learn new things, I am imagining that I don't HAVE to read the text books but that I WANT to.  (I am learning about magnets.  Isn't that cool!)  Then, once I have learned the material I can impress people at a party...LOL!

Day 20: You are Worth a Little Waste

     Joyce reminds us in her latest book, Eat the Cooking, Buy the Shoes that "Nothing is wasted if it is used for a right purpose, and blessing yourself at times is right and necessary."  If you have just completed a project at work, then celebrate.  If you are sad because of a break up then go do something nice for yourself.  It's not a waste to buy something for yourself if you can afford it and it helps to make your day a celebration instead of an ordinary day.  Every day is special.
     A few days ago I was feeling down (just one of those days).  I was at the grocery store and was waiting in line to pay for my things.  I usually don't buy the magazines on the shelf at the check out because I think they are a waste of money or I won't have time to read it.  I decided to buy one that day in an effort to cheer myself up.  When I got home I sat down and read it for a little while.  It helped.  It was a positive, upbeat magazine.  I felt better because I gave myself a small gift and I took time to relax.  At times, it's worth spending this time or money on yourself.  It can make a glum day into a better day.

Day 19: Happy Birthday! (Joyce Meyer)

     Remember turning 10 years old and how excited you were for your birthday party?  It was a big deal.  Most people as they get older stop celebrating their birthday because, "It's just another day."  Why do we stop the celebration of life?!?  Joyce, in Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoes, says perhaps we stop because, "We lack understanding on how truly awesome we are."  We all have ordinary days full of errands that need to get done, floors to clean at home, and kids/dogs to feed.  During an ordinary day such as these take a few moments for you. Then you can feel rejuvenized for the next task instead of feeling anger or frustration.  I think I understand what Joyce is saying. When I was getting ready for my trip to Asia there were tons of things to do to get ready; pack, buy missing clothes, lose weight etc.  Amongst all this I got a pedicure (for the trip as an errand I needed to get done) but afterward I felt so good with myself because I unintentionally palmpered myself which rejuvenated me to finish getting ready for Asia. 
     Some ways to celebrate on an ordinary day; eat a cookie, buy a pair of shoes, have lunch with a good frend, sit in the sunshine, go for a walk, or put whipped cream in your coffee. Why?  Because you cleaned the house or you went to work or you took the dog out.  Just because you can!  To close your source wants you to enjoy life.  Otherwise there wouldn't have been so many amazing, enjoyable things created. 

Charissa

Day 18: Giving yourself permission to lighten up - The Cookie (Joyce Meyer)

     Joyce Meyer in her latest book, Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoes, starts out telling us about an incident between her and her husband.  She was at the end of one of her weekend long speaking conferences and she had one more speech to give.  She saw a plate of cookies and took just 1/3 to give her enough to walk through the finish line.  Her husband witnesses this and confronts her.  They had started a strict exercise/ diet program and he decided to call her out.  To him it was a violation while to her it was just a part of a cookie that she felt she deserved after a long weekend of hard work and one more speech to give.  A friend saw what was happening, came over to Joyce and said, "You deserve that cookie, and if I were you, when this last session is over I would go and buy a pair of shoes with it."  She understood that the cookie was meeting an emotional side not just the logical left brain side.  Joyce says "There are times when we all need to eat the cookie and buy the shoes in order to help us finish what we have started or as a way of celebrating something we have accomplished."  The cookie and shoes are anything you enjoy (ie. a new book, mocha coffee from Starbucks etc.)  
     Joyce could have let her guilt, brought on by her husbands comment, consume her.  Instead she decided to be confident in her choice as she also encourages us to be the same.  People's comments can bring guilt and take away our joy when making these choices that mean so much to us.  We are not built for guilt, says Joyce, "Your future has no room for your past.  How much time do you waste feeling guilty?"  Guilt is feeling that you have done something very bad.  Eating thecookie was neither a good or wise choice because of the regement they were on but it wasn't a sin!  We need joy along the journey.  This is what fuels us to finish with a sense of accomplishment and not with a chip on our shoulder. Guilt is not from God.  Life is to be celebrated and enjoyed all along the way!  I know I feel this way once I get home from work.  What needs to be done before I can sit down and relax?  Then the whole night is done and its time for bed.  Why is it so hard to relax and celebrate the accomplishments of the day?