Day 18: Anger (Dyer)

     Dyer says in Your Erroneous Zones that "The only antidote to anger is to eliminate the internal sentence, "If only you were more like me."  Nate and I were arguing over our social schedule last weekend. He wants to do more outdoor things.  I'm more of an indoor person and he is more of an outdoor person.  I am the one who usually schedules everything. (We both seemed to agree on that in the beginning of our relationship.)  When he said this I felt like he was saying that I did a crappy job of social coordinator. I said if that's something you would like to do more, then let's plan it but I need to know before getting blamed for not doing something I was unaware of.   I got angry because I felt no recognition for all the hard work I have put into organizing events. It's not easy. I agree with Wayne. I had the internal sentence. If only he were more like me then he would appreciate all I do for him.  If I didn't have this thought and instead thought, "Okay, Nate is different than me and he likes to do outdoor things.  I will add that to the schedule."  Then, we probably wouldn't have had the fight. I mean I got really angry and hurt by the whole thing. A point that dyer says is unnecessary and it only does harm to yourself and others.  Other cases of anger you may be familiar with:

1. Road rage

2. Competitive games

3.  Taxes

4. Tardiness or lateness

5. The sloppiness of others

     Anger is defined as an immobilizing reaction, experienced when any expectancy is not met.  True anger is immobilizing. Not just irritation or annoyance. Wayne says anger is a choice and a habit. That there is 
no reward for it. Except for the breaking down of relationships and interference with communication, if that's what you want.  Anger is first provoked by your own thoughts. So we get ourselves upset (panties in a wad) for things when there are other constructive ways to deal with life:

1. Know that people are different than you. Allow them that.

2.  Have a sense of humor. Laugh or be angry. You have the choice.

3. Be aware of your thoughts. You have the choice to change them.

4. You can dislike something and not be angry about it.

5. Neutralize your anger by holding a loved ones hand and then express how you feel.

"Anger gets in the way. It is good for nothing." Wayne Dyer