Day 20: Spend Out

After 8 months and $11,000 on my credit cards, I am credit card debt free!  I started the Dave Ramsey program to help me do this.  It feels so great to not have credit card debt anymore.  Gretchen Rubin's idea of spending out is genius.  I have so many extra lotions, make up, clothes, food that I could be using before buying more.  There is a small high when buying new things no doubt but I think there is more of a high saving my money and using up what I have already purchased.

Furthermore, I started to think about "spending out" on a more emotional level.  I usually put a lot of energy into my attitude and appearance to others (at work, with friends, at home).  I believe in being positive, lifting other people, smiling and laughing.  This takes a lot of energy though.  It feels good and is genuine but when I don't smile, people will stop to ask me if I'm ok.  I think it's starting to ware on me because today I snapped at a co-worker after he approached me.  I said, "I don't always have to smile!"  I think I was spent out; spent out emotionally.  I think he was only trying to put a smile on my face.  It frustrates me though, because I feel like I'm not allowed to be spent out on my energy.  When can I feed off of someone's energy to make me happy.  What if I spend out on all the energy and smiles I have put out and receive instead from other people?  This is a tall order because I'm so dependent on other people liking me because of my energy.   Plus, when I'm not energetic it's not as much fun, honestly.  Sometimes, though, I'm emotionally spent out and just need to chill with a smile in my heart just not on my face.