Day 22: Read a Memoir

Reading and learning about other people's lives is very important. Here is a memoir:


I was 15 years old and headed down a tough and dangerous path. Earlier that year I met an older man, 19, named Jaymie, on 4th of July while tripping on acid. LSD was not the only drug I had been doing. Since I was 13 years old I picked up smoking, drinking, pot, mushrooms, crystal meth and my favorite, huffing paint. I had been in a detox facility, which didn’t cease my drug abuse, stole my parent’s cars a few times, missed 45 days of 8th grade before dropping out completely and having sex. I was living with my father at the time, he was a good, loving father but with no real boundaries. I was allowed to do whatever I wanted, so I did. Of course I put up an innocent front, but I’m sure on some level he knew but was in denial about it.

Back to the story, when I met Jaymie, little did I know this was a defining moment in my life. We developed a “relationship.” He would sneak into my room and sleep over without my father knowing. Told me he loved me, when he knew it was time to say it. He lifted me up and he always disappointed me. It was an abusive cycle, a brainwashing of a young impressionable girl.

Let’s skip the details and get to the good part. After a “whimsical romance” we ran away to Las Vegas to live happily ever after. This was 2 days after I had an abortion with his child. Since I was not old enough, he rented an apartment for us under his alias name. Two days later, early in the morning, a loud bang on our door: “Open up it’s the FBI.” I had no idea what was going on. As soon as I could breathe, there were 2 FBI agents and 2 police men in the apartment. My boyfriend was arrested, put into jail and I was brought to a juvenile holding cell while my parents were contacted to get me back home to Colorado. Unknown at the time, my first love was a criminal.

Phone calls, phone calls…While he was in jail, I waited by the phone to talk to him at $2.25 for 15 minutes for 3-4 hours a night. I dropped out of junior high school and got a job telemarketing so I could pay for the phone bills ($600/month). This went on for a few months until…

Sirens blaring, heart screaming, mind racing…September 24, 1997. At 3 a.m. I sneak out of my father’s house and steal his car. I put on my best clothes and my best face…today’s the day for a prison break. 6 a.m. I drive up to where we plan to meet. Two seconds later he has jumped in the back seat of the car and we are off and racing. Ten minutes later sirens are blaring behind me. He tells me to pull over; the police car behind with sirens blaring might not be for us (really?) One minute later, a police officer steps out with a rifle gun pointed at us. Jaymie tells me to step on the gas. Dust and dirt fly into the police officer’s face as we speed off on the curvy, mountain road. Screaming and praying, “Why God? Please save us!” as I accelerate at 70 mph in a 45 mph zone, swerving into the other lane when I needed to pass a car on the one lane road, not knowing if another car would be coming the opposite direction (my biggest regret and biggest thanks that there wasn’t anyone coming the other way). Two hours later, after a high-speed chase of dangerous, life threatening proportions, we crashed. Airborne, a double roll-over, he pulls me out of the car and runs for his life as the police men chase him and arrest him.

Waking up…I’m in the ambulance all I can think about is if he is ok. My parents show up over my bed, crying, scared, and praying. I am sent to a juvenile jail. I am taken out of my dad’s custody and into my mom’s, otherwise it was foster care. She fought for me in the court so I wouldn’t be taken to a foster care facility. She was living in a large house with my new stepfather and promised to take full responsibility for me. I enrolled back into high school with an ankle monitor. My life changed, flipped, in a blink of an eye.

Now, the good part, because I was being watched by the law I did what was expected of me. I knew I had done something horrible and I felt so sorry for putting my parents through what I had. I know I couldn’t have saved myself from the path I was on; it took structure, discipline and the consequences given to me. Deep down I knew the right thing to do and I had the potential inside of me to be a good citizen and daughter. Thankfully, the judicial system saw that within me too. They said that I was brain washed and manipulated by an older man. My mother enrolled me back into school and I received straight A’s in high school; went to counseling to un-brainwash myself; did 100 hours of community service and got off of probation one year early for good behavior. After high school, I went to CSU and received a bachelor’s degree in Electrical Engineering. I am 28 years old and have a successful career. The man that I was with stayed in prison for escape and his other charges for a full twelve years.

He recently was released in December 2008. With the people connecting capabilities of the Internet I used My Space to find him. Yes, the child inside of me needed to know the answers to my questions I’ve had all of these years. I wanted to know why he did the things he did. I wanted to know if he knew how manipulative and wrong he was when he asked me to do those things for him. I was so curious to see him and find out, after all my love for him was real. I didn’t feel like he was a danger to me or at least I didn’t want to think that he was because of the burning inside of me, needing to know what happened all those years ago. I found out he was on probation in Wyoming, a short 2 hour drive for me, so I made my way, thinking about the life I shared so long ago with this man. It was the strangest thing when I saw him. I didn’t need any confirmation of his feelings for me during that long ago time. I didn’t need any answers from him. I was already healed. My little child was fine. We talked for a little while, I left and that was that.

The interesting part is that he was very apologetic for asking me to help him escape, for having me hide him in my room, and for having me run away with him. Yes, he said he was sorry for manipulating me into helping him and deceiving me into loving him. His actions said otherwise. Once he knew my contact information he tried desperately to pick up where we left off. When I refused he tried to manipulate me with words, saying that I was not making decisions for myself and that he was a good person. Thankfully, I had grown up, matured and I didn’t fall prey. After many refusal’s he has stopped trying to contact me. I am healed and I am stronger. His needs are his problems and they are not mine to take on.

The past 12 years for me have been a journey of finding myself, building my self-esteem and trusting in God. I am who I am because of my past and I wouldn’t want to change that. Every step in life teaches us what we need to be taught. When we realize our growth it is beautiful and inspiring. I have witnessed my growth and am excited to share it with other girls who may be going through a difficult time.

Through all of this I have learned we all need second chances and we all have the ability to change. I forgive him for his part and I forgive myself for mine. This is a story of a young girl influenced and manipulated by an older man and tangled up with drug use. I believe a lot of young girls experience something of this manner in their life without anyone to turn to. Thankfully, I had my faith to turn to in my most desperate and darkest hour. Thankfully, I had the unconditional love of my family during this critical time. Thankfully, I had the justice system in its finest hour, fighting for me.

As a young girl, manipulated and deceived, I had skeletons in my closet for future relationships. I was unable to trust and unstable inside. I turned to my faith to discover how I could defeat this way of thinking. I discovered the unbeatable power of the Spirit. I decided to practice and know certain qualities of the Spirit, such as love, trust, truth and forgiveness. I am becoming who I want to be; stable, happy, and most importantly I have some inner peace. I created a tool to practice these qualities. Please visit www.PureQualities.com. My passion and desire is to help anyone by offering a tool to elevate their self-esteem and find peace in their life.

We all have a unique story it's what we do with it that matters.