Day 3: The Happiness Project

I am finding so many helpful tips on every aspect of life that encourages happiness.  Chapter four has many great insights on creating happiness for your home with your children in mind.


Chapter 4:  Lighten Up Parenthood
Gretchen's goal is to be more tender and playful with her two daughters. No nagging and yelling.  Her kids give her much happinness regardless of the normal irritations, distractions and time pressures of raising them. She wants to create a peaceful, joyous, and cheerful attitude in the home. My favorite example is when she pulls an April fools day joke on her oldest daughter. She puts a bowl of cereal in the freezer over night. In the morning Gretchen gives the frozen bowl of cereal to her daughter.  It was super fun and lightened the attitude in the house to a playful one.

Sing in the morning, because it begins the day in a happy tone.  Make a joke to lighten up the mood.  For example, Gretchen's daughter begins to complain and says, I don't want to go to Tae Kwon Do. Gretchen repeats "I don't want to go to Tae Kwon Do, (with emphasis on "go" and "do") and let's her daughter know she is a poet and doesn't even know it. They both laughed and it was never complained about again.

Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings.  There is a teaching from Fabrr and Mazlish to acknolwedge other people's feelings. So if your child is angry, acknowledge it and that's it. Most of the time kids and adults just want their feelings to be acknowledged. Some ways to show this is to write it down (ie. I hear u don't like grapenut cereal I will write that down so I remember); don't feel you have to say anything; don't say 'no' or 'stop' (ie. "No, not until after lunch." Instead say "Yes, as soon as we've finished lunch); wave magic wand (ie. if I had a magic wand I would make you not have to go to school today); admit that a task is difficult (ie. Cleaning your room once a week does take time).  Gretchen further explains that "experts say that denying bad feelings only intesifies them" and that acknowledging them allows good feelings to return.

Be a treasure house of happy memories.  She has decided that she will be the family reporter because being reminded of happy times creates happy feelings. She begins to carry a camera with her everywhere to take pictures and send family updates to friends and family. Other tips include creating a file box full of momentos to stay organized and to have easy access to the happy memories.  She also wants to keep family traditions such as the date night her kids have with their grandparents. Another tradition that was created was 
"polite night" where a formal dinner is served and good manners are enforced. The kids love it and these traditions continue the process of creating happy memories.

Take time for projects.  As stated by Gretchen, "Projects are a highlight of childhood - and adulthood."  She buys a laminator where modest pieces of paper can now become personalized place mats, bookmarks, great gifts for grandparents etc.

To sum up, happiness has four stages to make the most out of an experience; anticipate it, savor it, express happiness, and recall a happy memory.  By reliving a happy memory you are amplifying it's happiness factor.  Having kids brings happiness, things she normally would not have experienced were actually enjoyable to her such as making the home made gifts with the laminator, reading kid's books and singing fun kid's songs.  She realizes she may not have changed from all of this but she has increased her happiness.  She has more sources of fun, engagement and satisfaction along with eliminating some sources of guilt and anger.  She sees how her mood affects the household, "Each member of a family picks up and reflects everyone elses's emotions - but of course I could change no one's actions except my own."  Well put Gretchen!

I have read the next chapter, 5, but I feel there is so much covered in this chapter that I will wait to post it until tomorrow.  I hope these tips help.  I am loooking forward to practicing these things such as singing in the morning, making jokes, and carrying a camera with me to document happy times.

Charissa