I dislike getting into disagreements with people so much. I always regret what I've said, thought and acted toward the other person. It just eats away at me and I feel so bad. Why? Better yet why did I say what I said and do what I did? I feel like a horrible person.
I don't think it matters to explain what happened because in most people's minds it wouldn't even be a problem or a squabble. I know though that I could have been better and I could have not said what I said. Somewhere in my mind I got the idea that holding in anger isn't good and that every disagreement should be let out into the open. I'm not so sure I believe in that anymore because every time I do confront someone I feel awful afterward. Is this just a weakness in me or is it better not to say things and do things sometimes despite how I feel inside? I heard recently some great wisdom, to act like how you want to feel. Instead of act how you feel.
When I created Pure Qualities.com, my idea for being a better person, I needed to practice the idea over and over and it was so hard. I've come so far. I am so much more loving, trusting, truthful etc. The one quality that I fail miserably at is forgiveness. I suck at forgiving others. I hold grudges for as long as I possibly can. Guess who it hurts more...me. The other person could probably care less that I hold a grudge. Ya, I'm pretty sure they would just move on. Not me though. I would be the one still holding on for dear life to my anger and my righteous attitude. Argh! It sucks for me because I'm just hurting myself.
I need help with this quality, forgiveness. Do others find it so hard? I feel like I don't even know where to start to begin to forgive because I have been holding grudges toward certain people for so long.
I just had a thought. When it comes to my mom or sister, I can forgive them. Frankly, I forgive and I forget. Interesting. So why is it so easy to forgive my family and not others? Regardless of the answer I've come to the realization that I want to forgive others for myself. I need to because it's good for the spirit and good for all.
I will begin to forgive by asking God to help me forgive. As soon as I am upset to have a way to talk myself into forgiveness quickly and deep within my heart.
This week I will pray, say out loud I forgive so and so, and why. I will try to understand the other person's perspective to help me to forgive. I will build this eternal quality within my spirit because I must.
Thank you for listening,
Charissa
You're thinking too left brained about forgiveness.... Grace, grace is something not deserved, not earned, and yet gifted to. Imagine a police officer pulls you over for speeding, and instead of writting you a ticket, says "I'm going to let you go" even though you were speeding 25mph over. That's mercy, now imagine he gives you 100 bucks to help you with your expenses at the same time. That's grace.
ReplyDeleteAlso remember that grace is not a natural response, only with the help of Him who gave it can you give it. Only through understanding your own depravity and the fact that grace is given to you UNFAIRLY, can you begin to forgive others. Forgiveness doesnt mean just "forget and move on" it means, "love them like christ loves me, forget what they did as if it never happened, and give them a gift in return though they dont deserve it".
To live like this, while in sin nature, is impossible apart from the guidance of the holy spirit. Remember, paul said "BE transformed by the renewing of your mind (romans 12:2)", and here the greek term that paul used for "be transformed" actually means, "continually and always" aka pressent progrressive is the closest tense we have, also know as "ING" so a closer translation would be "strive to BE transforming by the renewing of your mind". Note here that the BE implies that it's not of your will, but that you ARE changed by the renewing of your mind from the holy spirit, not by failing human will.
But how do you do that? How do you strive to have a christ like mind set every moment of every day so that you will BE ABLE to forgive?... Remember He's alive and you are to have a RELATIONSHIP with a LIVING God. Thus pray, pray continually, know him through study daily, write what you learn on your heart, and through this you will BE transforming by the renewing of your mind.
Thank you for this great word of wisdom. I've never felt quite right with the forgive and forget idea but it seemed to be the best explanation at the time. I like your explanation of grace and to love and forget like they never did the hurt but to go a step further with grace. This is a new concept. I will try to remind myself to do this and hopefully BE transformed.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much!
One more thing...I have a website www.PureQualities.com where I discuss things like you have mentioned. I would love it if you checked it out!
ReplyDelete