Day 4: The Happiness Project

I let the author of The Happiness Project know about my project, here is her response (very sweet lady):

Hi Charissa,

Thanks so much for your kind email. I’m thrilled that you’re spotlighting my book that way! How great! Your idea sounds terrific – did you read HELPING ME HELP MYSELF? Same kind of idea, good book, you might like it.

 Thanks, Gretchen

I checked out the book Helping Me Help Myself? and it's a similar idea.  Beth Lisick actually goes to great lengths to meet her guru's face-to-face.  Cool idea!  I was very pleased to get an email back from Gretchen because I am really enjoying her book.  I have already found myself smiling more and reacting differently to certain situations.  Can't wait to begin practicing.

Chapter 5 Be Serious About Play, Leisure
Gretchen's irony about being serious about play stems from the fact that we all can get carried away with checking off items on our to do list and skipping over having fun in life.  She wants to devote to play time which is doing activities just because you want to do them.  Additionally, she wants to experiment with new interests and draw closer to other people.

Find more fun.  Just because something is fun for someone else does not mean it will be fun for you and vice versa.  She realizes that she doesn't actually like going to shows or sporting events. She does admit to enjoying children's books.  They deal openly with themes such as good versus evil and the supreme power of love.  Adult novels focus on guilt, hypocrisy, perversion of good intentions, sexual passion and the inevitability of death; grand literary themes yet kids books are more simpler and enjoyable in her opinion.  In order to seek this passion she begins a children's book club but for adults.  Some other things to try:  making blank books - a book full of clippings, cartoons, memorabilia, quotes, pictures etc.  Go off the path.  Begin an interest log, write down what things throughout the day catch your interest. New Interests.  Read 3 new magazines on random topics. Start a happiness box collection.  Take time to be silly.  A study shows that we unconsciously catch emotions from other people, good or bad called "emotional contagion."  Having more fun should hopefully rub off on other people.  Now that sounds fun!

Chapter 6: Make time for friends, friendship
Most studies suggest that having strong social bonds is one of the most meaningful contributers to happiness.  Close relationships let you confide in others and give a sense of belonging.  Friendships can be hard to maintain so Gretchen suggests to at least remember birthdays.  She uses HappyBirthday.com.

Be generous. This strengthens the bonds of friendship and boosts your own mood for helping someone else out. Instead of purchasing things, help people think big (words of enthusiasm and encourgement), bring 
people together (organize a group outing), contribute in your own way (help someone clear out their closet), cut people slack (peoples lives are far more complicated then it appears from the outside), and lastly, show up (familiarity breeds affection, the more you see a person the more you will like them in most cases).

Don't gossip.  "Spontaneous trait transference" is when people unintentionally transfer the traits they ascribe to other people. An example would be if I say Jean is really friendly. I am then linked to that quality of being friendly. What I say about other people sticks to me. It takes one to know one basically.

Make three new friends.  Smile more frequently; how much you smile is interpreted to how friendly you are perceived to be.  Actively invite others to join a conversation; it is polite and appreciated by everyone.  Create a positive mood; Samuel Johnson, "To hear complaints is wearisome alike to the wretched and the happy."  Open a conversation; talk about the immediate circumstances, the event, decor, a current event.
Look accessible; eye contact.  Listen; find genuine pleasure in someone elses stories.  Lastly, ask questions; people love to talk about themselves.

As soon as I'm done reading the book then I will create a Resolutions Chart as recommended by Gretchen.  She has a lot of tips for a whole year.  I will pick 1 or 2 per day and then build on those by adding another 1 or 2 per day.  Hopefully, I will be able to practice 21 to 42 different happiness tips.  Stay tuned for Chapter 7 and 8 tomorrow.

Charissa