Day 2 of the Consciousness Cleanse asks us to reveal what is standing in the way of fulfilling our desires. Are there any repetitive patterns that you find in your life? Such as having the same type of relationship issues with every boyfriend you've ever had? Debbie is saying that there are things from the past that are holding us back from moving past these repetitive patterns and fulfilling our desires. In order to do this we need to dig into our past and make a list of things we wish had never done. We need to bring self-awareness and light to these hidden regrets. These are the things holding us back.
Exercise:
What do I wish I had never done?
I wish I had never yelled at my boyfriends, not been disrespectful to my mom, not seen my dad by not going to church as often as he would have liked, not been distant from Chrissy in Italy, not revealed so much of myself when I've been drinking, not caused so much pain to my family for things I've done in the past, not distanced myself from my family, not smoked.
What do I wish I could forget?
I wish I could forget that I've hurt my mom by not being nice at times, that I didn't spend more time with my dad, that I haven't always been close to Chrissy or nice to Nate.
What do I wish I could do differently?
I wish I could communicate effectively my feelings, wants and needs in a kind, loving and compassionate way, be confident in who I am, open up to my family and friends about me, spent more time with my dad, give more to my mom and sister.
What behaviors have I participated in that intentionally or unintentionally brought harm to others?
Outburst of anger at loved ones, closed off, not sharing my feelings when I should
How do you punish yourself for things you perceive have gone wrong in your life?
I distance myself from loved ones. I cause fights when things are going good.
What are the reasons you hold onto these beliefs?
I hold onto these beliefs hoping that if I punish myself then I can even the score, be forgiven and loved again.
If I allowed all my human behaviors, thoughts, feelings and experiences to live outside of myself then my relationships and life would run smoothly. I wouldn't need to punish myself for past wrongs. I would know that the past is a part of me but it doesn't define me. I am a new person everyday that I choose to be. Debbie instructs that there isn't anymore to do with what has been revealed here, but to sit with it until tomorrow.
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